The Colours of the Dark
by PamsLittleSister
Summary: Bella is left on the Cullen's doorstep as an infant. Raised as Rose and Emmett's daughter, and the Cullen's as her extended family. How will Bella adjust to normal life when her family are vampires? And how with the Cullen's cope with teenage Bella?
1. Chapter 1

_I do not own the copyright to characters, places or plots in this story. Stephanie Meyer is the Copyright holder. I am just playing with her fantastic characters._

**Prologue**

The car sped down the dark, wet streets and she put her foot down willing it to go faster. Maybe, just maybe she thought to herself, if she took a corner fast enough in this weather, she'd wrap herself around a tree and it'd all be over quicker. She'd been driving for days, trying to get away from it all. From the continental United States, up through Canada, and back into US territory in Alaska. She didn't know where she was going and she didn't care. She turned up the music as the baby started crying in attempt to drown her out. She felt like shit and looked worse. It had been ten days since he'd overdosed, leaving her alone and pregnant, eight days since her last hit and six days since she gave birth to the child now in a shoebox on the floor of the front seat. _Isabella_. She turned down what she thought was a lane leading to a track thinking she'd just park the car and take off into the woods leaving the kid there. Surely someone would find it, it'd be ok. As she got to the end of the lane, the trees cleared and she pulled up in front of a majestic house. _Fuck_. She just wanted to get it over with. As she turned to go back the way she'd come, she looked down at the infant in the shoebox. _Isabella_. Must be fate kid, she thought to herself as she scrambled through the car looking for a pen and paper. The house was dark and there didn't seem to be anyone home. She took the shoebox and placed it on the doorstep. "They'll look after you better than I could've kid." She said taking one last look at the daughter she'd given birth to a few days before in the lounge of her ratty flat, still high on the concoction she'd had after his body had been taken away. Without a second glance, she sped off into the night.


	2. Chapter 2

_I do not own the copyright to characters, places or plots in this story. Stephanie Meyer is the Copyright holder. I am just playing with her fantastic characters._

**Chapter One**

Edward POV

"Someone's been at the house" Alice said as her eyes regained their focus. Emmett, Jasper and I tensed, preparing ourselves for any threat to our family "Human I think" continued Alice, "they seem to have left a bundle or something on the stoop."

"It'll just be the town busybody dropping off a casserole or something equally as revolting to welcome us to town" said Rosalie scrunching up her nose in disgust. "Do you remember the last time that happened? I had the smell stuck in my nose for days, vile human food!"

With Alice seeing no danger in the future from the parcel on the doorstep, we continued our hunt before heading home. As we approached the house, the smell of human became stronger and I stopped dead in my tracks. A heartbeat. I could hear a heartbeat. It was faint, but definitely there. My family all paused behind me as I let my mind wander out into the night, but all I encountered was silence. Odd. I could generally hear every inner voice within a 10 mile radius, but all I got was the inner ramblings of my family as they realized that there was a beating human heart in the near vicinity and waited for me to tell them why it was there.

Then Alice gasped. We all turned to stare at her, her eyes now glazed over, one of the tell tale signs she was having a vision. "It's a baby" she whispered. "The parcel on the stoop, it's a baby, that's the heartbeat!" Everyone stared her with mixtures of incredibility and confusion on their faces, and Emmett let out a huge guffaw. "Jeez, folks around here really do know what to bring us for dinner!" he chuckled. We waited for Rose to smack him upside the head as was her custom when he said something inappropriate, but it didn't come. She had disappeared at Vampire speed around to the front of the house.

By the time we caught up with Rose, she had picked the baby up and was cradling it in her arms like a pro and talking to it in a sing-song voice which I had never heard Rose use. As the rest of us approached she turned to us, shielding the baby in her arms and let out a low growl. "Rose" I said, not needing to read her mind to see what she was thinking, "We're not going to take it off you" _Yet_ I added in my mind. "We just need to see if it's ok, and figure out why the hell someone left it here." "She's not an 'it'!" she snapped. "She's a beautiful little girl, aren't you my precious little Isabella" she cooed at the baby, who appeared to be sleeping peacefully as if she hadn't just been ditched on a doorstep and manhandled by an overly maternal vampire. "You named it already?" asked Emmett, "we can't keep her!" Esme had sidled closer to Rose and was stroking a finger down the side of its small face as we all slowly edged closer to look at the small bundle in Rose's arms. "I didn't name _her_, her name's written on the card I found with her. And who says we can't keep her? Whoever had her clearly didn't want her!" Rose stared lovingly down at the tiny bundle in her arms and rocked her slowly back and forth, while Esme took the scene in with tears of joy in her eyes. She turned to her husband, "Carlisle my darling, can we keep her?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two**

Edward POV

"First things first" Carlisle said, getting over his shock. After all, it had only been about three minutes since Alice had told us it was in fact a baby on a doorstep and not a casserole. "We need to get her inside, to a human, and a human baby no less it must be freezing outside, then I need to give her a check up to see whether she is healthy." "Alice and Esme, I need you to go to the 24 hour gas station and pick up some baby formula and nappies for a newborn." "Edward and Jasper, I need you to find and trace the scent of whoever left her here and see if you can establish why and whether she has any family who are looking for her." "Rosalie, stop growling at me, she's not yours and she may have frantic parents searching for her. Bring her up to my office. Emmett you come too, I may need your help controlling your wife."

Alice and Esme flew out the door and jumped into Carlisle's Mercedes, tearing off down the driveway. Jasper and I followed them out the door and began sniffing around the front door for traces of human. There was definitely the smell of adult human lingering, it was stronger and more potent than that of the small child now upstairs in Carlisle's office. "Smells kinda like the baby, but not as sweet" said Jasper "That probably means they're related." "Who ditches their kid on a stranger's doorstep ?" I asked him, "Someone who can't cope?" he shrugged. "Come on, let's follow the scent."

We followed it to a spot in our driveway across from the front door where it mixed with the scent of petrol and rubber and disappeared. "Car" he said. "Makes sense, it's not like we live close to town." We ran at vampire speed towards the small settlement near Denali, Alaska. We had just moved to the outskirts of town two days ago. We split up as we sniffed our way around the sleepy streets looking for the scent. After an hour with no luck I found Jasper and we decided to head home. We took a more direct path home than we had on the way to town, as we raced through the woods, I heard Jasper stop. Skidding to a halt myself, I turned to look at him and was hit with the smell that had stopped him as I did. It smelt like the baby, but more potent and without the sweet undercurrent. We followed it at human speed till we came to the edge of a ravine. Lying at the bottom was what looked to be a young woman. I couldn't hear a heartbeat, or hear an internal monologue. She was still. "Fuck" whispered Jazz. "Do you think she fell or jumped?" "Jumped" I said back. "Why the hell else would you ditch your baby on someone's doorstep and then take a walk in the woods off the track at 12.30am?" "Let's go see Carlisle. We can't call this in till morning or we'll have to explain why we were walking through the woods off the track at 12.30am" said Jazz. So home to Carlisle and the others we went.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

Rosalie POV

The second the word 'baby' left Alice's mouth I was off like a shot. The poor thing got ditched on a freaking door step! There was a tiny heartbeat coming from inside a shoebox. I scooped the bundle of blankets up gently out of the box and a card fell out too. Cradling the precious bundle in one arm and cooing at the baby, I picked the card up with the other. _Isabella Marie_. That's all it said. I dropped it back in the shoebox and concentrated on the baby asleep in my arms. "Isabella. Aren't you a beautiful baby girl, precious baby. I'll look after you, I won't let anyone hurt you. Beautiful baby, my beautiful baby" I cooed at her. She was the tiniest human I had ever seen; even when I was alive I hadn't seen a baby this small. Was she sick? God I hope she was ok. Whoever the hell ditched her on the doorstep sure as hell didn't deserve her. I could tell it was a relation by the smell. No, she was mine now and I was going to look after her better than anyone else possibly could.

I heard my family approach and let out a low growl, warning them not to get too close. I honestly don't know what came over me. I knew none of them would hurt her but the protective instincts running through me were out of control. That and I didn't want them to take her from me. Esme had come up to me and had one hand rubbing small circles on my back calming me and one hand gently stroking Isabella's tiny face. I looked at my Mother figure and gave her a small smile. She knew how I felt. And she was already in love with Isabella too. I heard Emmett regarding my beautiful girl as an 'it', and telling me we couldn't keep her and another growl escaped me. Just try and take her off me oh husband of mine.

Gazing into the small face in my arms I registered a flurry of movement and realized Carlisle must have spoken. He was saying something about me taking Isabella up to his office. I suppose she did need to be checked and as a currently qualified doctor he was the best person for that job. My medical degree from the late seventies was a little outdated. I walked into his office and sat on the three seat sofa, laying Isabella on the middle cushion as I began to unwrap her from her blankets. Carlisle sat on the other cushion and Emmett knelt on the ground beside me, his arm around my shoulders. As Carlisle began his examination, she began to stir. Her perfectly formed tiny mouth opened in a yawn and her little eyes began to flutter as she wiggled her little arms and clenched and unclenched her tiny hands. She opened her eyes properly and they settled on Emmett. I shot a look at my husband, and my face softened immediately. He was looking at the baby girl with wonder; adoration in his eyes as she blinked up at him. I knew then that he felt it too, the need to never let her go.

Carlisle began his examination and not once did she cry or fuss. "Well" he said, "she appears to be a little malnourished, but we should be able to start sorting that out when Esme and Alice get back with the formula. It seems she is only about a week old." "Rosalie" he said softly "She may have family somewhere who are worried about her and want her back. She's not ours to keep." I sighed. Rationally I knew he was right, but emotionally I felt like she was mine. "I know, but can we at least keep her until we find them?" "Of course" he answered. "And if they don't find any family, can we talk about keeping her then?" I asked. "Do you think it's best for her to be raised by a coven of vampires?" he asked me. "No" I said firmly. "I think it's best for her to be raised by our _family_. By me" I answered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**

Jasper POV

Edward and I returned to the house to tell everyone the news about the woman we assumed was the baby's Mother. What we found surprised us both no end. Sitting cross legged on the couch with a replay of a football match on low on the TV and the baby cradled in his arms was Emmett. Instead of being focused on the TV, Emmett's face was trained on the baby in his arms with a look of utter adulation on his face. He looked up as Rose entered the room and grinned at her stupidly as she handed him a bottle and he put it to the baby's mouth. I could feel the love and contentment literally floating around the two of them and a lazy grin broke out on my face in response. Edward elbowed me hard in the ribs and I snapped out of the emotions I was getting caught up in.

Esme and Alice were sitting on the sofa adjacent to where Emmett, and now Rose sat with the baby, looking every bit the perfect all American family. Alice had a laptop open on her knee and Esme was pointing and murmuring to her. I walked behind them to see that they were ordering baby gear online. The happiness surrounding them was also intense. I forced myself to focus and not get wrapped up in the emotion. It seemed to me a little too soon to be treating our small house guest as a permanent factor in our lives. Just because one assumed parent was gone didn't mean there weren't other family members who wanted her back. But on the other hand, if there were and they were good people, why had she been dumped on the doorstep of a stranger? I had to hand it to the tyke. She couldn't walk or talk, or even sit up or roll over yet, and from the looks of it she'd been asleep pretty much the whole time we'd had her, but I hadn't felt my family this content in decades.

Carlisle POV

I ushered Edward and Jasper into my office and closed the door. Why I bothered I wasn't sure, the whole family could hear every word we said regardless, but it seemed best to see what they had found out away from the members of my family who felt most attached to Isabella. Edward explained that they had found the body of who they assumed to be Isabella's Mother in a ravine in the woods a few miles away, not far from a hikers trail. It appeared she had jumped. _Who does something like that when they have an infant to take care of? _ The car was parked on the shoulder of the road about twenty minutes away from where they found her. We decided that we'd call the emergency services in the morning, on the premise that we had gone for a morning hike when saw some disturbed bushes and checked it out. Once they got her to the hospital where I worked, I would find a name and look for family who might want the child back. If there was none, well, then we could consider it. I saw the looks on the faces of my family though. I knew that the small human infant completed us.

Edward POV

God Dammit! Even Carlisle wanted to keep her. I could hear his resolve weakening as he thought of the way Esme looked at her and the way Rose and Emmett were with her. Even if she had no traceable family members it wasn't a good idea for her to stay. We were vampire's for Christ's sake. She was a fragile little human. A human who could bleed by accident in front of any one of us at any given time. If that happened, there was no saying that even those who wanted her the most would be able to stop themselves attacking her. No, it couldn't happen. She belonged with humans, not with soulless immortal beings. I'd just have to convince Carlisle when we are at the hospital tomorrow and the rest of my family wasn't there. "Don't you dare Edward! You don't even know whether we have souls! And you know none of us would hurt her!" Stupid psychic pixie.

I wandered downstairs to see Alice sitting in Jasper's lap with the baby cradled in her arms. "Jesus has she been left alone since she got here?" I huffed. "She came in a shoebox Edward, we can't put her back to sleep in that. Besides, it's not like our arms get tired and she's wrapped up so she won't get cold" replied Alice. "She really is quite adorable" Jasper stated. "Not you too Jazz", I groaned. "Oh just shut up and hold her for a sec" Alice said holding the baby out for me to take. I awkwardly took the small bundle in my arms and cradled her against my chest, I took her and sat in one of the big armchairs by the fireplace. As I went to move the blanket out of her face, she yawned and brought her tiny fist up to her face where it encountered my finger. She unclenched her hand and re-clenched it around my pinky. Her little eyes fluttered open and made contact with mine. And just like that, I was gone on Isabella. I was just as bad as the rest of them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Five**

_Thanks very much to those who reviewed and added this story to their alerts and favorites. This is my first fanfic, and the first time in a long time I've written anything other than a legal opinion, so my apologies for confusion in speech etc. I am trying to take on board constructive criticism and hope that this chapter is easier to read than the past few. I will also be making my chapters a bit longer now. The others seemed so long in word format, but once I got them on the site they were short!_

_I do not hold copyright over these characters. That belongs to the wonderful Stephanie Meyer._

Rosalie's POV

"She's about to wakeup" Alice said at about 4am, bringing the rest of us out of our reveries. "And she's not going to be very happy when she does. Her diaper doesn't need changing, she doesn't seem…" A keening wail interrupted her sentence causing all six vampires in the room to cringe. Our super-sensitive vampire hearing was apparently not cut out for the high pitched cries emanating from the small being in my arms.

"What's wrong with her?" I demanded. "Alice, what's wrong happening?" I swayed Isabella from side to side, cooing at her and attempting to soothe her. I ran my index finger down her cheek and noticed that she was beginning to burn up with fever. "Is she sick?" I asked the room in general. "Alice is she going to be ok?" Isabella's wails were getting longer and louder.

"I don't know" responded Alice. "I can't see why she's crying, just that it's not going to let up any time soon. It's not formula Esme" Alice stated as Esme turned to retrieve a bottle from the kitchen. "I can see her bringing that back up. I can't see the reasons the future happens Rose, just that it is."

A loud crash resounded from corner of the room and I looked up to see Jasper had fallen to his knees and was grasping at his hair. "I know she's loud Jazz, but it's not that bad!" I snapped at him

"It's not the noise" he responded through clenched teeth. "It's the emotion coming off her, the need, the want; it's so intense, far too intense for someone that small. It's something akin to the bloodlust we feel when we give ourselves over to the hunt. And for God's sake Rose your anxiety isn't helping, try to calm down a bit would you!"

"We need Carlisle" I hissed. The baby in my arms had started to shake violently and I was beginning to panic. Carlisle had left for the hospital to start the early shift half an hour ago. "Jasper can you try to calm her down until we figure out what she needs?" But I could see already that that wasn't about to happen. Jasper was huddled in front of the couch with his hands over his ears with Alice rubbing his back and looking concerned.

"Edward, can you hear her? Can you see anything in her mind? What the hell is going on? This isn't normal for a baby is it?" Edward looked at me and shook his head.

"I can't hear anything Rose. I don't know, she's a baby, she doesn't even have coherent thoughts for me to read yet. And I can't see any images in her mind either. She must be too young. I haven't been around many infants but I'm guessing that's why."

Esme was already on the phone to Carlisle, hopefully he would be on his way home in a matter of minutes. I placed my cold hand on Isabella's forehead, willing her to cool down and stop trembling. She'd given up screaming, most likely because she couldn't keep it up for that long at that volume and had settled into whimpering every few seconds.

"Isabella, my beautiful little Bella. Gorgeous little girl, you're ok, you're safe. You're with Momma, everything will be ok" I cooed, comforting myself more than her.

Carlisle POV

As soon as I hung up from Esme, I claimed a family emergency and set out for home, taking a few supplies from the hospital with me. I had no idea what could possibly be wrong with the child, as other than needing more sustenance, she had seemed it relatively good health.

The moment I entered the front door I was accosted by Rosalie who thrust Isabella into my arms begging me to make her better. I took her up to the office trailed by the rest of my family, except Jasper who had gone for a run to get away from the emotions overwhelming him. Alice, seeing what equipment I would need before I voiced it had gathered the tools I would need for my exam. I took her temperature which was well above what was normal for an infant, double checked her for injuries, listened to her heart (which I did not need a stethoscope for), checked her breathing, shone a small torch in her eyes to check they were in focus and not dilated. They seemed fine. I took a small blood sample and put the vial in my pocket to take to the lab at the hospital.

"Other than the temperature and a slightly increased heart rate she seems to be ok." I looked down at the infant who had now fallen asleep on the sofa, whimpering slightly as she slept. "I need to take this sample to the lab for testing. Until then, make sure you keep a good eye on her. Rose, keep a hand on her forehead to keep her temperature down, if you notice it rising, call me at the hospital immediately. If she cries again there isn't much you can do except try to soothe her. Try to get her to have some formula next time she wakes up. She's still malnourished and she needs food. It's best if I am at the hospital today anyway, we still need to go through with our plans in regard to her Mother's body and see if we can find any family for her. Also, we may be able to find out more about any preexisting conditions she may have if we find the obstetrician her Mother used."

I surveyed the faces of my family before I left the room. All of them were focused on the tiny child in Rosalie's arms, fear and worry etched on their faces. Beyond all reason, I wanted this child to be alright, and to be able to remain with us. She just seemed to belong.

Carlisle's POV

It was about 9am when the body of Isabella's Mother was brought into the hospital morgue. Alice and Jasper, playing the part of the hikers who found the body, came in about twenty minutes later looking appropriately upset for what they had discovered and answered some questions from the police who had also been called. Luckily, I was able to ensure that I examined the body and had the task of consulting with police.

The woman, or girl rather, didn't look to be older than about twenty-one. I established cause of death as a broken neck and severe head trauma most likely induced when she fell. It was obvious from my examination that she had given birth recently, and as such I concluded that this was the body of Isabella's Mother. That fact alone however was cause for concern.

One of the many differences between myself and a human doctor, was that a human doctor would need to draw blood samples to be able to tell what I could already smell. Isabella's Mother had been using narcotics. I examined her carefully looking for tell tale signs of drug abuse. I checked her arms and legs, tracing her veins. Looked between her fingers and toes, but could see no signs of track marks. I breathed a sigh of relief, albeit a small one. I checked her nose next, and sure enough there was a small perforation in her septum. Coke-nose as I had so eloquently heard other doctors refer to it in the past. Isabella's Mother had been an addict. No wonder the child was so inconsolable. She was a week old and going through cocaine withdrawal. The potential was that that was the least of her worries, I would need to have her scanned as soon as possible for brain damage and other problems.


	7. Chapter 7

_Copyright over these characters belongs to Stephanie Meyer_.

**Chapter Six**

Rosalie's POV

Worthless human. Stupid, Irresponsible, worthless human. Did she have any idea how many women around the world wanted to have children? Wanted nothing more than to hold a beautiful, healthy child in their arms and couldn't? She got the chance, she had it all, and she'd ruined it. I swear to God if there is anything permanently wrong with my precious Isabella, I will find a way to bring that useless bloodbag back to life so that I can tear her limb from limb myself. Issues! Carlisle says the woman had issues! No lady, I'll freaking tell you what issues are, issues are being a freaking octogenarian vampire prone in a state of maternal desire. Not being a freaking junky with no self control!

Carlisle had called me from the hospital once he had examined the body and let me know what was happening. He said it explained why she slept so long for a newborn, the high temperature, the screaming, and the want that Jasper could feel coming off her in waves every time she woke. It also explained why she was so small, she was most likely premature and underdeveloped. Emmett and I were now on our way to a private clinic a few hours away to have some scans done Isabella. Carlisle had arranged this under the premise that we were Mr. and Mrs. McCarty and that as our physician he had a few concerns about the brain functions of our newborn daughter. No need to tell them her potential problems were caused by drug use. Or that we weren't her real parents.

Once we had checked in, Isabella was taken off us by a nurse and taken away for tests. Had it not been for Emmett and the extreme force was exerting on my arm to keep me in my seat, there would have been no way I'd have let her go. Emmett rubbed small soothing circles on my back to keep me calm, a method he had applied in the past when I had been wound up, but it did little to soothe me now. A little under an hour later, Isabella was returned to us having had the requisite brain and respiratory scans. I sat in the back seat with Isabella in the car seat next to me sleeping as Emmett drove us home.

We were greeted at the door by an overenthusiastic Alice who could barely contain her bouncing. I hissed at her, unwilling to put up with her perkiness until I knew what was happening with Isabella, but Alice held up a hand to silence me.

Alive POV

"She stays!" I exclaimed as soon as Rose had quit hissing at me. Did she really think I would be this excited over anything that didn't have to do with my little sister, who was currently cradled in Rose's arms? "We get to keep her, they don't find any family! I saw it as soon as they started looking! We have to go through the usual family vote on anything life changing, but I already know no one opposes so I don't know why Carlisle makes us."

Relief flooded Rose's perfect features, but was quickly replaced by a frown. Looking ahead I saw what she was about to ask me.

"She'll be perfect" I breathed. "Once the scans had taken place her future cleared up. There's no permanent damage. She'll take about two weeks to get over the withdrawal, but she's going to be perfect!"

Rose looked happier than I'd seen her since she brought Emmett back and his change was successful. Possibly even more so. I stole another look at her face. Definitely even more so, but I'd keep that between me and the mind reader. I didn't want Emmett getting jealous of his new daughter.

"Are you sure? What happened to her family?" Rose asked as if she couldn't quite believe it. I didn't blame her, I couldn't quite believe it either. But I had the added benefit of knowing it was all going to work out.

"Positive" I beamed at her. "Looks like her father was an addict too, he overdosed a few weeks ago. No one was aware that Renee, her Mother, was pregnant. Most likely they were worried that if they knew that she was, they'd take the baby off them once she was born. Once Charlie, her father overdosed, Renee couldn't cope, so she took off from the US where they were living and started driving, the police don't think she knew where she was going, just away. Isabella was born in the backseat of Renee's car somewhere in Canada from the timeline that the cops are working out. At least that's what I hear them telling Carlisle. No one knows where the baby is. Well, except us of course. They think that she must have just abandoned her somewhere, which technically she did, they just don't realize it was on our doorstep."

I took another quick glance at the future. Yup! Isabella was going to be just fine. A bit of a handful, but fine!

Carlisle POV

I looked at each of my family members. We were sat around the dining room table that Esme insisted we had in every house, despite the fact none of us ate. The table did however make a good place for important family discussions, such as that which was about to take place. Alice had insisted that we all agreed on outcome, but I wanted to hear from each of them in turn about any reservations they had about the situation.

"So" I began, "I'm aware that Alice has told you what the police told me. The child has no traceable family members. Were we to let her go, she would likely end up in foster care until a family adopted her. Alice also tells me that despite the fact the test results are not back yet, Isabella will be a perfectly healthy your girl, with no permanent adverse side effects from the drugs she has been indirectly subjected to in the womb. The question is, what do we do next? I'd like to hear an opinion from each of you before we decide. We are a family, and every vampire here has an opinion that matters. Rose, perhaps you should start?" I looked to my eldest daughter who was sitting to my right, the baby still sleeping in her arms.

"I vote we keep her" she said firmly. "It's no secret that not being able to have children has been one of my biggest regrets with being what I am. This, it seems like fate. Of all the doorsteps in Alaska, or Canada, she could have been dropped on, she was dropped on ours. This is my chance to be a Mother. I know it may not seem like the most logical choice in the world, a human being raised by vampires, but I don't think any one of you can tell me that I won't love her or care for her as much as any human would. I don't want her to go through the foster system, she's barely a week old and she's been through so much already. I feel like she knows me, like she knows I'll look after her. I love her. She's my daughter." I could tell that Rose was attempting to keep control of her emotions and talk to us logically, but I could also see that were it possible for a vampire to shed tears, she would have been.

"Emmett?" I gestured to my giant of a son, who was sat on Rose's right, his arm slung around his wife's shoulders.

"Hell yeah I want to keep her!" Emmett grinned. "The tyke makes Rose happier than I've ever seen her, and all I ever want is for Rose to be happy. We all know when Rose is happy my life is easier!" he joked. "Plus, Alice tells me she's gonna be great entertainment as she grows up!" His face softened slightly "And I've always wanted to be a dad. To be able to do that with Rose would be awesome. And I kinda like her already, like when she looks up at me with those big blue eyes, I think she knows I'm her Daddy."

I chuckled softly at seeing Emmett so sentimental, it wasn't usual for him and it was quite endearing. "Her eyes may change colour Emmett, all babies start out with blue eyes. But I appreciate the sentiment none the less. I'm going to assume your position won't change with her eye colour."

"Probably not!" he shot back, "but if she turns out ginger I'm giving her back!" Rose elbowed him in the ribs and rolled her eyes as he placed a kiss on the top of her head.

Jasper took a nervous breath before he started. I could tell he was still feeling the effects of the withdrawal through the baby's emotions, and that, combined with the various emotions flying off our family members was obviously quite overwhelming for him.

"I'm not sure that raising a human child in a house full of vampires is a wise idea" he started. "However, my wife assures me that not only will it work out in the long run, but that I will grow to love her. I am worried about accidents which happen with small children, and potential cuts and scrapes she may have which would affect us quite differently than a human family. However her blood holds no appeal to me at the moment and I can only hope that by the time she grows and her scent gets stronger, we will be immune to it having spent so much time around her. Once again, my wife ensures me that this is indeed the case, and I for one never bet against the pixie."

"She's going to be my best friend!" squealed Alice. "Of course I want to keep her. She's the little sister I always wanted! I can buy her clothes, dress her up, do her hair, decorate her room, talk to her about boys when she's older!" She paused, "Why are we even doing this, you know we're going to keep her!"

"She's not a pet Alice!" hissed Rosalie. "She's my daughter!"

"Oh come on Rose! You know that's not how I meant it. Lighten up _Mommy_!" replied Alice with a wink.

"I don't have a problem with it" said Edward. "I can hear from most of your thoughts that you want her to be part of the family. And I must admit that for something so small she is quite intriguing. I find holding her quite calming, when she isn't screaming at least. When she's close, I almost feel I can relax, it seems to dull all the voices I can hear around me. I think she could be quite beneficial to our family, bring us closer together. I'd also like to second Jasper, I won't bet against Alice." He reached over and ruffled the hair of his favourite sister.

I could already see Esme's answer by looking at her face, but it only seemed fair to let her have her say.

"Like Rosalie, I already love her" she began. "I know how it feels to want children, and unlike Rosalie, I feel like I already do, I have all of you, I love you like you were my own. I want Rosalie to have the same chance, and this does seem like such a wonderful opportunity for us all. It seems to cruel to put her into the system and hope she comes out alright. We have her, and we know we can look after her. My vote is yes."

"It seems it's settled then" I said. "We need to decide how we are going to go about this though. She will need papers, a birth certificate. At the moment as far as the state is concerned she doesn't really exist. Rose, we can't name you as the Mother on her birth certificate. As she gets older, she may need to produce it and it will look strange once she gets over about five. We will simply list her Mother and Father as unknown, and you and Emmett can be her adopted parents. We will deal with the rest later."

"I want her name down as Isabella Marie McCarty" said Rose. "Emmett and I can go back to being husband and wife. I'm not starting school here; I'm going to be a stay at home Mom."

"Fine" I said. "I'll call Jenks in the morning and get her documents drawn up. Seeing as we have just moved here, I guess we can stay. Nobody knows anything about us so they won't notice that we suddenly acquired a new family member. I'm heading back to the hospital. Just keep looking after her as you have been and try her with some formula again soon. Any problems, you know where to find me."

_Welcome to the family Isabella_ I thought to myself.

Alice POV

Once Carlisle left, Rose and Esme attempted to feed Bella, who managed to keep most of the formula down. Rose handed her off to Emmett to hold and we settled into positions around the lounge to talk. Not surprisingly, they all wanted to hear some of my visions of Isabella.

"She's gonna be a spitfire when she grows up, just like her Momma." "And stunning too" I continued.

"Just like her Momma" Emmett repeated looking at Rose.

"You're gonna have your hands full with those two Em!" I said looking at him cradling his baby girl in his arms. "Her teenage years are going to be tough on some of you" I laughed. "Esme, Carlisle and I are going to come out relatively unscathed but the rest of you better watch out!" I looked at Rose's stricken face, "Don't worry Rose" I said softly, "You two are going to share a fierce bond, even then. She'll turn to you for advice, for comfort, and for love. You're going to be her Mother, the only one she knows and the only one she wants."

"What about me?" asked Emmett. "

Well _Daddy_", I smirked at him, "You two are going to share a very special bond, the kind that only Fathers and Daughters have. She's going to wind you up, push your buttons, make you suffer mercilessly, be your partner in crime and love you unconditionally. She'll turn to you for protection, cheering up, comfort, love and your credit card!" I grinned at him.

"Carlisle and Esme will dote on her. When she's young she will consider them Grandparents, but as she gets older more like a second set of parents. She's going to be the apple of Carlisle's eye."

"Jasper will be like a big brother, always looking out for her, teaching her, guiding her down the right paths. She's going to look to him for sensible advice when things get crazy."

I stopped, censoring my thoughts as well as my words before I continued. "Edward" I looked at him. "Edward will be her rock, her strength, her comfort, her protector." _Her Love._ I thought to myself, remembering to continue blocking him.

"What, I don't get a familial title?" He asked. "I'm not her big brother, her crazy uncle, her weird cousin?" "No", I replied. "You're just her Edward. And you, my brother, are going to be wrapped around the girl's itty bitty little finger, along with every other male in this house by the end of the week!" I laughed. What I didn't add was that the females were already wrapped around her little finger. I could hardly wait for her to grow up into the best friend she was going to be. But there was going to be plenty of entertainment between now and then.


	8. Chapter 8

_I would like to thank everyone for the positive reviews, and the constructive ones, as well as the favourites and alerts. It is truly appreciated._

_This Chapter didn't go quite as smoothly as I would have liked, but it was information which needed to get out for the story to continue, so I thank you for baring with me._

_Once again, copyright belongs to the wonderful Stephanie Meyer, and I thank her for creating such fantastic characters. _

**Chapter Seven**

Edward POV

We first noticed Bella's gift a few weeks prior to her third birthday. Emmett and Rose had taken off for a week to have some 'couple time', something they hadn't done since Bella had officially become their daughter. Rose had refused to leave her without at least one of her parents, so she and Emmett would hunt separately, or go late at night to ensure one of them was home to tuck their daughter in a night.

With her parents gone, Bella was staying the week at the 'big house', as she called it. Once Bella had joined us, Rose had wanted the three of them to live like a normal family in their own house. Carlisle hadn't been too keen on the idea of them being far away, partly due to the crushed look on Esme's face when Rose has announced her plans, and so they had settled on a compromise. A cottage was built in the woods that surrounded our property. Technically, the land still belonged to our family, and the cottage was far enough away that they had their privacy, but could still run from their house to ours in about thirty seconds at vampire speed and vice versa. Not that that stopped Rose and Emmett keeping a bedroom and walk in closet in our house. Deep down, Rose wasn't really a cottage kind of girl, and there certainly wasn't enough room for her designer junk in the humble cottage. Bella of course, also had her own bedroom in the big house where she was supposed to sleep every Saturday night. On Saturday nights Rose and Emmett had what they referred to as 'special time'. They would tuck Bella into bed at ours, then go back to theirs. Emmett claimed that having a kid was not conducive to an active sex life as she freaked out and started screaming when the foundations moved. Despite having her own room, every Saturday night from the time she could walk, Bella would get out of bed once they left and make her way through to my room with her blanky, which she took everywhere, and fall asleep on the floor. We assume she chose the floor because she couldn't climb onto the couch herself. I took to leaving a stool next to it so she could get up. Eventually Rose and Esme gave up, and a bed was ordered for my room.

Rose and Emmett had taken off after they had tucked her in. She slept through the night, and was treated to pancakes for breakfast by Esme. The rest of the day passed as most days did with Bella. She was dressed and styled by Alice, played with Jasper and I, was fed by Esme, read stories by Carlisle and had her afternoon nap and been cajoled into eating all of her vegetables for dinner. Alice had seen that the evening wouldn't go perfectly. It was, after all, the first time in almost three years that one of her parents wouldn't be tucking her in at night. The trouble began as Jasper began to read her "One Fish Two Fish", the book Emmett had read to her almost every night for the past year without fail.

"No Jazz, Daddy read to me!" Bella stated petulantly sticking out her bottom lip, a trick generally guaranteed to get her what she wanted.

"Daddy's not here munchkin, Mommy and Daddy are on holiday!" Jazz attempted to cajole her. "Uncle Jasper will read you a story, and Edward will tuck you in and stay with you until you go to sleep."

"Bella Boo wants Daddy!" she repeated, using the nickname Emmett had bestowed upon her about a week after we found her on the doorstep. She had been referring to herself in the first person for about a month, an endearing trait, but one Carlisle was keen for us to break.

"Daddy will be back in a few nights to read you a story baby" soothed Esme, pushing the hair back off her forehead.

"No, Bella Boo wants Daddy now! Bella Boo wants Daddy to read her story, not Uncle Jazz!" She was beginning to get more worked up. So I shot a look at Jazz to get him to calm her.

We were all used to the fact that my mind reading ability was wasted on her. I had been near other small children while with her at the park and play centre, and their minds had been open to me. It wasn't the same as reading an adult, but there were images and depending on the age of the child, coherent sentences. We thought it was just an anomaly, Carlisle had his theories, but we just accepted it. But Alice had been able to see her future as well as she could for any of the rest of our family, and Jasper had been able to calm her out of many a temper tantrum. Not this time.

The rest of the room fell into a state of calm, but Bella raised one petulant eyebrow at Jazz and quite clearly stated, "Bella Boo doesn't want to calm down Uncle Jazz, Bella Boo wants Daddy!"

I think Jasper's floor hit the ground as he gaped at the toddler staring up at him. He was yet to encounter a vampire who could shrug of his ability, let alone his almost three year old very human niece.

Another surge of calm wafted through the room, sending the four vampires who were most definitely not immune to Jasper's talent into a near catatonic state. We could see what was happening, but I'm sure that we were as close to sleeping as a vampire could get. But Bella simply glared at him.

"Daaaaddddyyyy!" she screamed. "Bella wants Daddy now! Daddy tuck me!"

Jasper released the rest of the room from their calm states and we all turned to Carlisle, the only one in the room likely to have any idea what was happening, thanks to his constant theorizing. Well, that and the fact that he had been alive a few centuries longer than the rest of us and had seen almost everything there was to see.

Jasper POV

I was completely stumped. I had been able to calm an army of crazed newborns with my talent, and I couldn't settle my three year old niece. I had influenced her moods before, whether it was to get her off to sleep as I was attempting now, or to get her hyper because Rose had pissed me off and was trying to get her to sleep. But this time, it literally felt like I had hit a wall. Confused, I turned to Carlisle.

"Let's get Bella to sleep in the traditional way, and then we will have a chat in the living room" Carlisle stated.

Everyone bar me and Edward was ushered out of the room by my wife, who winked at me.

"I see that you two will get her off to sleep, I'm going to leave you to figure out how though!" she laughed as she followed the others out the room.

Bella, appearing calmer than she had previously (no thanks to me or my talent), raised an eyebrow at us in challenge. I was so not letting a three year old get the better of me.

We tried everything, I read to her from Moby Dick which she usually loved, Edward rocked her like Rose had when she was a baby, Edward sang to her, we turned out the lights and sat with her in the dark. It had been over an hour since everyone left the room, and Bella was still not sleeping. I decided to give calming her another shot.

"Grandpa said the traditional way Jasper" Bella mimicked Carlisle to a tee. I heard a series of giggles from the living room.

The kid was far too intelligent for her own good. I looked at Edward.

"Bring her down to the music room" he sighed. "Make sure she's wrapped up warm and has blanky, we'll try the piano."

Thirty seconds into Clair de Lune and she was gone. We tucked her in and went down to the living room.

"You couldn't have just told us it would be that easy?" I asked my wife.

"I'm sorry" she giggled. "I couldn't resist seeing two grown ass vampires being owned by a three year old. But you should take some responsibility for that intelligence of hers Jazzy, who the hell starts reading Moby Dick to a two year old?"

It was true that whilst Emmet read her Dr Suess every night, she was more than capable of reading that herself. I think it was more that is was something she did with her Dad pretty much every night. I had started reading her advanced material from a young age, and while she didn't always understand it all, she was definitely taken with it. And as a consequence, she was far ahead of her age group when it came to reading and speaking.

Carlisle cleared his throat to get our attention and once again all eyes went to the family patriarch.

Carlisle POV

"I don't really feel comfortable discussing this without Rosalie and Emmett present" I began. "However I can tell you are all curious about Bella." In truth, I was worried about Bella. If my hypothesis were true, then she was going to be very powerful indeed, and I knew of one set of Vampires in particular who loved to collect powerful individuals. We were going to have to keep her talents very carefully hidden.

"I believe Bella is a shield" I stated. "And quite a powerful one at that. As you are all aware, it is quite unusual for humans to display any kind of ability until after they are turned, to be blocking vampires at three years old is quite a feat. I think that Bella was able to block Jasper tonight because she is coming into her own mind as she gets older. She now knows the emotion that she is feeling, and is thus able to tell when Jasper tries to influence her. She knew she was upset, so when Jasper tried to push calm at her, she threw up her shield, knowing that it wasn't her emotion coming through. I believe that as she gets older, this will get stronger. At this stage it appears to be a mental shield, but it may develop further as she learns to control it."

"Why didn't I see this coming though?" asked Alice.

"I assume because it just happened" I responded. "She didn't know that she could do it until she decided that she didn't want to feel calm, so you were never able to see the fact that Jasper wouldn't be able to influence her until she came to that realization herself. You probably won't be able to see how it develops until she gets older and realizes what it is she is doing and learns how to control and develop it."

"But I have never been able to hear her thoughts Carlisle" said Edward.

"I have reason to believe there are two shields in operation. One which wraps itself around her, protecting her, and one which she can throw up at will. I think that eventually, with training, she should be able to lift the one which surrounds her to let you in, and to throw the other so that it protects others. This is a very powerful gift she possesses. If she is turned, no doubt Bella will become one of the most powerful vampires alive. We must be very careful who knows about it. If the Volturi ever got wind of something like this, they would no doubt attempt to take her from us and turn her themselves when she was of age. Not that it would be good for us if they found out about Bella at all."

I watched as my family processed the information, silently dreading having to tell her parents that their baby girl is simultaneously one of the most powerful, yet one of the most vulnerable humans on the planet. Until she could learn to control her gifts, she would be in danger. This was far from the relatively normal life Rosalie wanted to provide for her daughter. But I once again thanked my lucky stars that this precious, precocious, special little girl had been left on our doorstep. Fate indeed.


	9. Chapter 9

_Once again, thanks for the reviews, favourites and alerts, I really appreciate the support! I hope you are all enjoying the story! For those of you hoping to see more Bella as a child, there may be flashbacks every now and then, but that's not what I am planning on focusing on._

_Copyright belongs to Stephanie Meyer._

**Chapter Eight**

Edward's POV

To say Bella was a precocious child would be a gross understatement. I suppose the fact she was raised by vampires with decades of experience in almost every subject played a helping hand in her intelligence. But not only was Bella intelligent, walking, talking and reading long before any of her peers, she was also a very talented piano player and mechanic. And while she was acutely clumsy, she took like a fish to water and the grace with which she moved in water astounded us all. She also had a mean right hook, a skill Emmett had insisted on teaching her once he had realized the power she possessed could lead to danger. Not that her skills would be any use on a vampire that came after her. Rose insisted that he only got the idea after he picked her up from play centre once and saw the way the little boys were following around his four year old daughter. Despite the fact that it was innocent at the time, Emmett insisted the day would come when it would not be so innocent, and that Bella needed to be able to protect herself. It was a skill which came in quite handy on her first day at school, when at age six, and by far the tiniest in her class, she had broken the nose of a young boy who had attempted to steal her model corvette, incidentally, an exact replica of the one her and her mother were building in our garage. She still is deathly protective of that car.

Once her parents had returned from their holiday to the news that their baby was quite possibly going to turn out to be one of the most powerful vampires in existence, talk had turned to how to train her so that she could control her gifts. Another coven of vegetarian vampires we had known for some decades had moved back to Denali, albeit a little more in the wilderness than us, and Carlisle had enlisted their help training her. One of their number, Kate, could electrocute with touch, and Eleazar had been with the Volturi some years before and was a useful source of information. They all quickly became enamored with Bella, who was truly a charming little girl. Tanya was the only one of their coven who did not seem to adore Bella, instead focusing her attentions on me. She had always been rather persistent, but I was able to shrug her off, as I had been doing since we first met the Denali's. For the most part our families interacted quite well, except for the slight awkwardness that came in the weeks following Rose tearing off Kate's arm. Early on in Bella's training Kate had, under Carlisle's supervision, been attempting to shock a five year old Bella to see if her shield would hold, Rose, seeing Kate acting aggressively towards her daughter, even if it was in training, had gone Momma-Bear on Kate's ass and torn off a limb before Carlisle could get between them. Kate didn't volunteer to help with the training for a few months after that.

Not long before Bella's sixth birthday, and having spent much longer in one place than we generally had before, we bade farewell to the Denali's and left for Canada where Bella was to start school and where we were to remain for four years. The Denali's came to visit once a year, and once a year we went back to visit them. Bella's training was progressing impressively, and by the time Kate volunteered to help Bella train again, she couldn't even make it through Bella's shield far enough to touch her, her hand instead remaining just millimeters off Bella's skin. Bella had also learnt to allow me to enter her thoughts, though she still kept me shut off for the most part, and had learnt to block not only Jasper's talent, but also block Alice's visions of her future. No small feat for a vampire, let alone a human child under the age of ten.

We had never really had to express to Bella what we were. She just knew somehow. Her only real concerns, particularly when she was young, were that she didn't sparkle like we did in the sun, and that she wanted to grow up to be beautiful like her Mommy. She needed not worry herself, she had grown up to be more beautiful that Rose just by being her. Not that I would ever say that aloud. Rose told her all the time how stunning she was, but I felt my saying it aloud may leave me without a limb or two. As she got older she had more in depth conversations about it with Carlisle, eventually learning the label 'vampire' and seemingly unphased by that fact. We were her family, that was all that mattered to her. I think she was about eleven when she had the turning conversation with Carlisle. He promised her that should she still wish to be turned, he would grant her wish after her eighteenth birthday, and the topic was not discussed aloud by any of us for quite some years after that.

We moved a few more times, time seemed to go even faster than normal for us vampires as Bella literally grew before our eyes. Sometimes we would home school her, sometimes she went to a normal school. She threw herself into learning, seemingly loving the challenge and even in her early school life was well ahead of the pack and acing her classes. She was reading the classics at age nine. Her daily training sessions with Jasper, Alice and I, always with Carlisle or one of her parents watching in, were progressing well, and by the time we made our next move, Bella was able to block me from reading the thoughts of others as long as she was touching them, and to not only block Alice's visions, but send false visions of the future in their place. I wondered if all humans were capable of such things if raised and nurtured in such an environment, or if Bella was just special.

At the beginning of what should have been Bella's eighth grade year Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper and I found ourselves back in the continental USA and once again starting high school, this time in Mt. Washington, New Hampshire. Alice and I were masquerading as twins in our sophomore year, Rose and Jasper as twins in their junior year and Emmett was also unsuccessfully due to his size attempting to be a junior, and the biological big brother of Bella. Alice and I took the Cullen name, Jasper insisted on Whitlock for Rose and himself as it hadn't been used in forever and Em and Bella took McCarty in attempt to keep some semblance of consistency for her. It was the first time we would be able to be at the same school as her, and we were all excited to observe her interactions with other students, and be able to keep a closer eye on her. Or in the case of Emmett and Rose, keep the prepubescent boys away and ensure she ate a healthy lunch.

Two weeks into the school year, Carlisle and Esme who were now listed at Bella's legal guardians, were asked to come to the school to discuss her progress. None of us could figure out what was wrong as she was doing excellently in school and had been in no trouble since we had arrived. Alice, with a quick glance to the future, ensured us that everything was fine and that the school simply wanted to move her up a grade. Carlisle and Esme went in for the obligatory meeting, Bella agreed that despite being in advanced classes for her age she was bored stiff and it was agreed by all parties that the best thing for everyone was for her to be moved into the ninth grade. Looking back, it may have been better to have left her where she was. Hindsight is a bitch.


	10. Chapter 10

_Yes, this will eventually be a Bella and Edward story, but for now, just run with it!_

**Chapter Nine**

Bella's POV

My childhood was not normal by anyone's standards. I was raised pretty much from birth by a family of vampires. My parents looked old enough to by my siblings, but definitely not my parents, and so in public, I had to call them by their first names. To me this seemed to be offset from the low growl my Mom let loose every time I referred to her as Rose. Yea, my Mom growls. Also not normal. It's also freaking gross when you overhear a conversation between some guys in class about the deviant things they wish they could do to your Mom. Gross. She may be supermodel beautiful with long golden hair and the perfect pin-up figure but she was still my Mom. Sometimes I wished to God I was biologically her daughter, but with my luck, I would have turned out looking like Dad.

Not that Dad wasn't a good looking guy. He was massive, broad shouldered with brown curly hair. His favorite past time was wrestling with Grizzlies, or my brother Jasper. When I was little and would get upset, Dad would grind boulders to dust with his fingers. They figured out early in this calmed me down, Instead of continuing my temper tantrum, apparently I stared mouth agape for hours. Probably because even as a toddler I was conscience of the fact that even a grown ass man shouldn't be able to do that.

I loved both my parents unconditionally. They were both fiercely protective of me. But I think growing up I had quite a normal parent/child relationship with both of them. They tucked me into bed most nights, read me stories. Dad played horse with me and crawled round on his knees for hours with me on his back hitting him to go faster. I guess normally that doesn't end up with stress fractures to the toddler's hand, but generally speaking it was a normal parental activity. Plus, Gramps is a doctor, so it all worked out ok. Dad was a pretty awesome Dad actually. No one can make me laugh like he does, and no one makes me feel safer. Even now, every morning I am greeted to a giant bear hug from Dad. And he stills call me Bella Boo, my childhood nickname, even in public.

Mom and I have a really close relationship, even now. Despite having to call her Rose in public and pretend we're adopted siblings, we still have a definite Mother/Daughter Relationship in private, and in all honesty, probably in public too. Hey, these things are hard to shake. I guess we didn't partake in the general Mother/Daughter activities as I grew up. For my second birthday, Mom got me a car mat complete with luxury edition mini cars (from the firms themselves, no matchbox cars for me). For my fourth birthday, she got me my own set of tools which could rival that of any mechanic, and put me to work helping her restore a beat up old corvette. It was our project, and I freaking loved it. Even know when I want some Mom time, I drag her out to the garage. It always seems more comfortable talking with our noses on an engine, or tinkering with the underside of a car while Mom holds the whole thing off the ground with her pinky finger. Seriously.

If I wanted girly, I went to Alice. My big sister, but my best friend. I guess one of the only non-normal aspects of my relationship with Alice is the fact that she's a psychic. Other than that it's pretty standard. We go shopping. A lot. More for her benefit than mine. When I was younger I hated shopping with a passion, and playing dress up doll for Alice spun me into many a temper tantrum. I was dressed in baby Prada before they even had a kids line (custom made of course), and had a Luis Vuitton luggage set by the time I was three. But as I got older, the idea of actually looking half decent began to appeal to me more. My whole freaking family was stunning, hell, even Grandma doesn't look a day over twenty-eight, so it began to matter to me more what I wore, how I did my hair. It helped me fit in with them more, especially at junior high, where I had become known to my other class mates as the "ugly Cullen" or the "ugly duckling". When Alice overheard some kids saying that, I'm pretty sure she actually considered tearing them limb from limb. Oh yeah, she's super protective too. But Alice is my confidant. She's the one I can talk to and laugh with and just be a teenage girl around. She taught me to walk in high heels. She rocks my socks.

Her husband, yeah, my supposedly sixteen year old best friend has a husband, Jasper and I get along pretty well too. He is the quintessential older brother. Slightly protective, but not pushy about it, and generally the one to guide me out of trouble. While Edward (we'll get to my effed up relationship with him later) gives into pretty much everything I want, Jasper is the one to make me stop and take stock of what I am doing, and whether it's the right thing to do. Jazz taught me to read well before any other kid would have started. He's an absolute history buff, and between him, Gramps and Edward I ended up a year ahead at my last school. But it's thanks to Jazz that History and English are my passions.

Grams and Gramps, or Esme and Carlisle as I call them more often now, are pretty fantastic. I think they were pretty offended when I first started calling them by their first names at home, but the problem is, it's just plain weird calling them grandparents when they don't even look old enough to be my parents. Esme is an amazing cook, despite never eating herself. Mom never really got the hang of it, though she can whip up something basic, but it was Esme who made sure I was well fed over the years. Spending time with her is just really peaceful, and it feels like wherever Esme is, is home. That's been important through the years as we've moved so much. It's Esme who I turn to when I'm upset, when I need a hug. Her compassion and love inspire me, as does her patience. She's pretty much perfect.

Carlisle is awesome too. He is the one who fixed me up after every single tumble, and there were quite a few. He's the one who lectures me when I've done something wrong, but the first to congratulate me when I do something well. He has every single certificate and award I have ever received on a wall in his office. In many senses, he is like a father to me. Dad was never very good at the disciplinary stuff, so that tended to fall to Carlisle and Mom. I love Carlisle's inquisitive mind, it's something I seem to have picked up from him. Always theorizing and wanting know everything about anything. It's with Carlisle that I can have theological debates that go on for hours. He has never once treated me as anything but an equal, despite the couple of centuries he has on me, and always takes my ideas seriously. And it's Carlisle who is going to change me, but more about that later.

Edward. Ah Edward. Where to even begin? From when I could walk until the age of thirteen I slept in his room. I found it comforting to be close to him, his scent calmed when nothing else could. He's my rock. Edward would never let anything bad happen to me. However we sometimes disagree on what may be bad. Boys for example, according to Edward, are bad things which he will not let happen to me. Didn't care so much about that when I was younger, now that I'm sixteen however, it's a pain in my ass. The protective feeling however, is mutual. Whenever that bitch Tanya is within a hundred mile radius of our house, it feels like all my hairs are standing on end and I refuse to let Edward out of my sight. We don't really have a brother/sister relationship, Edward and I. Well we kind of used to, but that changed about the time I stopped sleeping in Edward's bed. Which coincided with the moment I realized that Edward was the hottest male on the planet, probably in the universe really.

The moment I discovered that I had a huge crush on the guy who had for all intents and purposes been a brother to me since I was born, was the day I decided I had to stop sleeping in his bed. Or changing in front of him. Or wearing my Snoopy pajamas in front of him. My hormones had come out in full force, and it was awkward. For me, he had no idea what had happened. But we remain best friends. I can talk to him about almost everything, and we have super similar tastes in music, movies and pretty much everything else. I made Edward pinky swear that for the first century after my change he isn't allowed to find a mate and leave me hanging as the only unmated Cullen. An impossible promise, because apparently once you meet your mate there is no going back. I told myself I made him promise because I didn't want to be lonely. Truth is, I just don't want him to be with someone else. To this day, Edward is the only person who can ever get through to me when I am having what Alice calls a 'Bella Moment', which is code for me being a stubborn, moody, hormonal bitch. I find his mere presence calming and comforting. He is my rock.

Ok, so I guess other than the slightly off family dynamic and the fact my family are vampires, it doesn't sound so weird right. I have a loving, caring family, we're more than well off, I'm well educated and I have a 'gift' as my family call it. Everything a sixteen year old girl could want or need. Except for friends. Which is why, at ten thirty on a Sunday night I am putting on a fashion show for my Mom, Alice and Esme, trying to find something appropriate to wear to my new school tomorrow, on the first day of my reinvention. But I suppose in order to understand why I need a reinvention, I have to explain my old school, and what happened with James Hunter.


	11. Chapter 11

_I realize I know nothing about cars or how to fix them, and hoping I can get away with being vague, cheeky I know, but engine's confuse me. So Yea, I googled and then used technical terms I didn't understand. It's probably just my twisted mind, but it sounds really dodgy!_

_Copyright rests with the wonderful Stephanie Meyer, or perhaps her publishing company, but definitely not me._

**Chapter Ten**

Not long after starting school in New Hampshire, I was moved from the eighth to the ninth grade, which was fine by me. It's not like I'd made any friends in my grade since we'd moved here, and if my other schools were anything to go by I wasn't likely to here either. In fact, if anything I was less likely to make friends here since my family was hanging around like a bad smell. Edward insisted on meeting me after class to walk me to my next one because he insisted that the boys were thinking inappropriately about me. They were freaking thirteen! How bad could it be? It was insisted upon that I sit with them in the cafeteria at lunch, despite the fact that no one else in my grade sat with the senior high school students, and those who did have siblings stayed as far away from them as they could. Then there was the fact that Dad was making Edward point out the boys having unsavoury thoughts about the females in my family, particularly me, and Dad was having fun glaring them down. He even growled at some poor kid who apparently walked to close to the back of my chair, the boy in question squeaked higher than I thought possible and ran for the hills. Mom wouldn't let me eat cafeteria food insisting it had too many preservatives in it to be healthy and had instead made me an organic lunch. To make matters worse, as we were leaving she tried to wipe something off the corner of my mouth with a tissue, and the kids behind me all heard as I called her 'Mom' trying to get her to stop, which wouldn't have been such a big deal if she wasn't supposed to be my sister. Jasper just looked in pain as he always did around humans other than me, who he was apparently immune to, and Alice wouldn't stop whining about me not letting her dress me.

Even after my grade change, I heard whisperings about my family in the hallways. They always centred around how weird we were. A number of times I heard my name being said, usually about how I didn't quite fit with them, and how I must be the ugly duckling in the family. I'm not going to pretend it didn't hurt, because it did. At the time I was still in my comfort over appearance phase, not to mention that awkward fourteen year old girl stage, and was damned if I was going to let them get to me. But it was slowly wearing me down. I was lonely. I wanted friends outside of my family. I wanted someone to think I was special, and not just the odd one out in my super perfect family.

Things came to a head one day in PE. I had just been told to sit volleyball out after nearly Knocking Out my partner, and was heading to the bleachers on the other side of the gym when I heard Mom's name. Two boys the year older than me were talking about things they'd like her to do to them and how they'd heard from some of the senior guys that she put out. The rational part of me told me that it sure as hell wasn't true and that Mom could more than protect herself from that kind of talk, but I was angry and wound up, so I rounded up on the guy who was talking about what he'd like my Mom to do him with her mouth, and punched him so hard the crack of his nose breaking reverberated around the gym. And that was the second time I broke a guy's nose.

Needless to say I was dragged off to the principle's office where Alice came to meet me having not seen the incident until it was too late, but knowing where I would end up after. Carlisle was called and got me out of a suspension, instead, I was faced with two weeks of afterschool detention with the seniors. And therein lay the problem. Had I still been in the eighth grade, I would have had detention with the juniors, but because I was now in the ninth, I was lumped in with the seniors, and that was where I met James.

James had shoulder length blonde hair which he wore tied at the nape of his neck with a black band. He wore dark jeans, a white t-shirt and a black leather jacket, there was a silver stud in his right ear, and I could see a tattoo peeking out from under the sleeve of his t-shirt. He was a sophomore like Alice and Edward, but I later found out that he had been held back a year, which was how he was able to be the only sophomore with five o'clock shadow and a driver's license. He had piercing blue eyes, and when I walked into detention on that first day, it felt like he could see right through me. Except for the fact he wasn't paying any attention to me whatsoever, and was actually already staring at the clock which hung above the door. He was like my own personal James Dean. Blame the teenage hormones racing through my system, but I officially had my first crush. Unless you count Edward, which I try not to.

It was the first day of the second week of detention that we finally spoke properly. The first time being when I pretty much fell into his lap having tripped over my own feet on my way into detention on the third day. We had been let out early when the supervisor got an emergency phone call, and Alice wouldn't have seen it soon enough to dispatch Edward quicker than she did. That coupled with the fact he had to stick to speed limits meant that I had to wait around to be picked up. Everyone else had left the school parking lot when I saw James kicking the car I had been admiring in the parking lot since we arrived. It was a beautifully restored, sleek, black 1970 Chevy Camaro. At least, it was beautifully restored on the outside. The engine wouldn't be much different to my Baby which was sitting in the garage at home. Recognizing my chance, I threw my shoulders back and headed over to him.

"Engine troubles" I asked.

He looked up at me with those cold blue eyes. "Yea, the carburetor's playing up, looks like I'm gonna have to wait till I can get one of my boys to come give me a hand."

"Maybe I can help?" I responded.

"Doubtful little girl, what are you gonna do, offer me a ride home with Mommy and Daddy when they come to pick you up?"

"Do you have a tool kit?" I asked, trying to keep my tone icy and knowing I should have been insulted. I knew full well he had a tool kit as he took woodwork, yea I was a stalker, I'd sussed him out.

He silently removed one from the back seat and handed it to me, eying me curiously. I put the hood up, grabbed the number seven wrench and unscrewed the wadget, instructing him to hold the cam shaft clamp in place while I removed the fleem bolt. It was freaking warm under the hood of the car, so I removed Edward's hoody which I had stolen that morning to wear and continued to work. I pulled up the manifold, and inserted the cam shaft and asked if James had any lubricant. He raised his eyebrow at me, smirking, but pulled some out of the tool box. I squirted some of that down the manifold, removed the shaft, wiped away the built up grime on the hem of my tanktop and put it back together.

"Try start it now" I said as I shut the hood.

James jumped into the front seat and gunned the engine which roared into life just as Edward's Volvo pulled into the school carpark.

"Thanks for the help little girl, I'll see you in detention again tomorrow" he smirked at me again, lighting a cigarette, before roaring out of the parking lot.

"What the hell are you doing Bella?" growled Edward as I jumped into the passenger seat of the Volvo.

"Um, detention got out early, I was waiting for my ride home and that guy James was having car troubles so I helped him out, why?"

"He's bad news, stay away from him Bella" Edward said menacingly.

"What the hell Edward, you can't tell me who I can and can't hang out with! Christ. Besides, we weren't even hanging out, I helped him get his freaking car started! He doesn't even know my freaking name! He hadn't even noticed me before tonight" I fumed

"Oh he knows your name Bella, and trust me he's noticed you. It would be freaking hard not to in that little outfit, where the fuck is your jersey?" he seethed.

I looked down at myself and suddenly felt mortified. I was wearing a tight, white tank top with a black bra underneath and skin tight black jeans. I was fourteen, and had begun filling out the year before. The constant drizzle in Mt Washington had rendered my white tank pretty much see through, and the black bra was displaying my assets a little too inappropriately. A slither of belly was visible between the bottom of my tank and the waist of my low riders, and my belly button decoration hung out the bottom of my top. There were grease smears all across the bottom of the white top. The outfit, while not at all inappropriate with Edward's giant sweatshirt covering me to mid-thigh had taken on a totally different tone once the hoody was removed, something I hadn't envisioned doing when I left the house this morning. And Edward's hoody was at this moment taking a ride in James' Camaro, leaving me to walk into the house and face my family dressed like this. Fuck!


	12. Chapter 12

_I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to post. I had exams and started my second story because it was lighter than this chapter and I couldn't get this one to go right!_

_I hope you like it, and I will be posting again in the next few days._

_Thanks for reading, reviewing, alerting and favoriting. But most of all thanks for putting up with me!_

**Chapter Eleven**

Bella's POV

My entrance home went down about as well as I thought it would. That is, like a lead balloon.

"Isabella Marie McCarty!" shouted Dad as soon as I walked in the door "What in the hell do you think you're wearing? You look like something out of an MTV video!"

"I helped this guy from detention get his Camaro started after school and took off my jersey while I was doing. No biggie." I shrugged, hoping he'd let it go.

"There's a guy involved? You were around a guy, a guy who was in detention for being some kind of cretin dressed like that?" Dad's fists clenched involuntarily and he let out a low growl which would have been scary if I hadn't grown up in a family of vampires.

"Did you get the Camaro started?" asked Mom looking up from the Vogue she was flicking through with Alice. Mom and Alice were slightly more relaxed about these things than Dad, Edward and Jazz who had a propensity to overreact when the words 'male' and 'Isabella' were used in the same sentence.

"That's all you have to say?" spluttered Dad.

"She's a teenager Emmett. She goes to a coed school. There is going to be interaction with members of the opposite sex whether we like it or not." Mom then muttered something at Vampire speed which seemed to appease Dad and Edward but just pissed me off. I hated when they talked about me despite the fact I was in the room. She appraised me again with one eyebrow raised. "Though I do think that next time Alice takes you shopping she should help you find some more age appropriate attire. You are only fourteen after all."

"What was he thinking Edward?" Dad turned to Edward.

"Nothing savory, I'll tell you later when Bella isn't in the room. You should stay away from him Bella. He's not good for you." Edward looked at me beseechingly.

"Ugh, I'm not a child, I'm sure I can cope. Maybe you shouldn't listen in on people if you don't want to hear what they're thinking? And I'll hang out with whoever I want to hang out with!" I snapped and stomped up to my room, slamming my bedroom door shut behind me, effectively disproving the fact that I was not a child. But it made me feel better anyway.

Unfortunately, I didn't heed Edward's advice. In fact, I completely ignored it. James and I became virtually inseparable. After fixing his engine that first day after detention, James had me take another look at his engine and it became a thing after school to me to go to his place and work on his car. Once his car was finished, I started fixing up the engines on some of his friends cars. Part of me realized I was being used, but a louder part of me didn't care. Despite my obvious crush on him, James always played it cool in front of his friends. He never held my hand and told me to keep to myself the fact that we had made out a few times. Part of me thought that he was trying to protect me from his friends tormenting me for it, a bigger part of me knew that wasn't the case. I told the bigger part of me to shut up. Whenever James moved to kiss me, I sent a false future to Alice where I ducked out from under the kiss. I knew it was wrong to block Alice, she kept our family safe and she had to see the real future to protect us, but I figured a teeny tiny false future for the five minutes I got my pash on was no big deal.

Mom started to worry as well as Dad. Not necessarily because I was hanging out with a boy, because she trusted me not to do anything and because she thought Alice would see if I was going to do anything stupid. Mom worried because I was letting myself be 'walked all over' as she put it. We had several arguments over the fact that she had raised me to be an independent young woman. She was wary of James too though. Whether it was because Edward the tell-tale told her what he was thinking, or because Jasper told her his moods or just some Mothers Intuition, I didn't know. Alice was the only one who didn't seem to be anti my relationship with James. Not that she seemed thrilled by it, but she kept saying it had to happen this way, whatever that meant.

I started doing things I would normally never do. I smoked cigarettes, I skipped class. Anything to be accepted by James and his friends. Week by week my family became more anxious. But my family were held in place by Alice's visions which weren't clear, but simply lead her to believe that things had to play out as they were. That didn't make anyone happier though.

"I could kill him. Follow his scent to his house and drain him so we wouldn't have to put up with him corrupting my Bella Boo" said Dad as I sat at the top of the stairs eavesdropping the night of my latest big transgression.

"Emmett be reasonable. You haven't drained anyone since your singer and that was decades ago. You aren't going to give in for that little punk. Nothing will happen to her, she won't block Alice again and this was the first time she has." Mom tried to soothe him.

My latest transgression had been to block Alice so that James and I could go and get tattoos. Mine was low on my right hip, an intricate Celtic cross. I thought it was awesome and ironic seeing as in four years I would be a vampire. The rest of my family thought I was insane. They were pissed as hell, all of them, and it took a lot to get Nana and Gramps pissed. Even more than the tattoo, they were pissed that I had been blocking Alice. She was our safety net and with me giving her false visions, she wouldn't be able to see anything bad happening to one of us. I hadn't thought it would matter for an hour or so. But after the blow up from this one I wasn't ready to admit to the whole me and James pashing and me blocking Alice from it fiasco. So now Alice and Nana were disappointed in me and everyone else was pissed. Not a good feeling. I fingered the Cullen Crest locket around my neck and wondered why I insisted on hurting my family for a guy who was clearly using me. That and why I had thought I would be able to hide the bloody smell of a new tattoo from a house full of vampires.

"Then let's just leave!" seethed Dad. "I can't drain him, we can't kill him, so let's go start over somewhere new. I don't like this, I don't trust him. It's like he's got her brainwashed!"

"It's an infatuation" responded Mom. "She's never had any friends outside of us before and she's a teenage human girl. She's flattered by the attention and doesn't want to see the fact he's using her. She's a smart cookie. She'll snap out of. Have faith in her Em."

"We can't leave yet." Alice piped up. "It hasn't happened yet. I can't tell what it is, but I'll know when it does. Something needs to happen before we can leave. It makes her stronger, leads her towards her future."

"Do you know what her future is?" asked Mom.

I could hear the smirk in Alice's voice as she responded. "I do. But that's for me to know and the rest of you to live out. All I'm going to say is that she makes the family even happier in the future that we were when she first came into our lives."

"Alright then." Gramps cut in. "We stay, and we let this play out how it is supposed to. But we will all be keeping an extra special eye on Isabella because although things need to play out how they should, we will not let anything hurt her. And in order for that to happen, there will be no more tampering with Alice's visions Isabella."

I gasped as he poked his head out the living room door and looked up to where I was sitting on the landing.

"Did you really think you could eaves drop on vampires my precious child?" he asked me. "Go to bed, get some sleep, you have school in the morning."

The next few weeks passed without incident. I still spent time with James, but was getting on better with my family too. It was like we had come to impasse. They hated him, I thought I really liked him and Alice knew that it had to happen like this. My Dad and Edward still glared at him whenever he came near them, Jasper helped them by sending him large doses of fear and Mom and Alice simply refused to acknowledge his existence, in much the same way that he continued to refuse to acknowledge mine when we were with his friends.

Then one Thursday my family decided they were going hunting for the weekend a little further afield than normal. I had a geometry test to study for that was coming up on the Monday and Alice foresaw no issues with them leaving me at home alone on Friday night, they would be back late Saturday night. Inviting James over never crossed my mind. My family draining my pseudo boyfriend didn't seem like a great way of staying in said pseudo relationship. If I even wanted to stay in it.

James however had other ideas once he found out about my being at home alone. And James was drunk. And Drunk James was even more of a douche than sober James, and he always got what he wanted. I accidentally let slip early on Friday evening by text that I was home alone, but studying and wanted some time alone. James had argued it for a bit, but I had held firm and he had dropped it. Or so I thought.

I was studying for the aforementioned Geometry test at 10pm that night with my laptop on my knees in Edward's bed. I know I'd given up sleeping there a while ago, but they were all away, and it was comforting. Besides, no one would know except Alice who would see it, and Edward who would smell that I had been in there. But they were my two closest confidants, and neither would say anything to the others. Not that anyone would care. But I just felt awkward about it. I had just settled myself in with a cup of tea and put Edward's piano songs in the I-Pod Dock when there was a knock on the door. That in itself was odd. The Cullen's never had anyone knock on their door. I snuggled down in the covers and held my breath. Not a particularly useful thing to do but for some reason I felt that the stiller I held, the less chance there was that whoever was out there would realize I was in here.

Then my phone vibrated causing me to leap about three foot in the air and spill hot tea all over myself and most of Edward's bed. Hoping for Alice with a vision of who was outside, I flipped it open eagerly. James. And he was the one outside. Shit. Fuck. Shit. No, this was fine. Alice would see that I hadn't invited him here. I'd just go downstairs and tell him to leave. Alice would see that too, and I wouldn't get in trouble. Sure enough on my way down the stairs to deal to James, a text from Alice came through telling me I was doing the right thing, but that the boys had started to head back towards home anyway. What Alice couldn't see until I had told James to leave and he had decided his next course of action, was how he would react.

"James!" I opened the door. "You can't be here. How did you even find out where I live? You have to go, I'm studying, and my Family will be home soon." That was a lie. I had no idea how far away they were. I took a deep breath. "Have you been drinking?" It was a rhetorical question. I could smell it on his breath.

"You lying to me little girl?" he slurred. "You said they were away until tomorrow, so I'm coming in."

Oh hell no. I wanted him gone. Now. Looking at him swaying slightly in the porch light all I could see were the negatives about James Hunter. His stringy, greasy, dirty blonde hair. The big black bags under his eyes and the sallowness of his skin. He was pale, but not in the good way that my vampires were, in a way that made him look slightly ill. His teeth were slightly yellowing from smoking for too long. His eyes were bloodshot and he was leering at me. This was the guy I had been pushing my family away for for the last few months? Was I so desperate for friends outside my family that I would follow this asshat around like a lost puppy despite the fact he was blatantly using me and didn't respect my wishes? Apparently I was. God I was pathetic. But not anymore. But I didn't want my family to see me being bullied anymore, they had seen me being pathetic for long enough. So foolishly underestimating James, I did what I had sworn not to do. I blocked Alice and showed her me telling James I was sick of being his lap dog, him leaving and me going to bed. Which to be fair was what I envisioned happening, just with a bit more argument. What I didn't see was what happened next.

"I'm not lying James, they changed their plans. And besides that, I don't want you to come in. I don't want you here. In fact, I don't want you anymore. You treat me like crap. I've been your freaking mechanic for the last few months and gotten nothing in return. You won't acknowledge me in front of your friends, I'm better than this. I'm better than you."

"You've wanted me since the day you met me, and I think it's about time you got your wish. You've been teasing me for months, never letting it get too far. You love playing the innocent card don't you? Never letting me go further than a few kisses. Well I know you're up for it. I know you want it. So it's time to stop being a cocktease and give me what I came here to get."

"Leave. Now." My voice came off shakier than I had intended. Had I been leading him on? I didn't think so. I mean, yeah I liked him, wanted to kiss him, but I didn't think I'd ever given the impression of wanting to go further than that, I was fourteen for Christ's sake.

"Oh little girl, I'm not going anywhere. I'm coming in." he pushed past me and grabbed my wrist as he dragged me into the house. He pushed me up against the wall and I got my fist free and swung for his nose. This was not going to happen to me. I was not going to let this happen to me. He caught my fist and pinned my hand above my head. Somewhere in this the vision I was sending Alice must have dropped because the phone which I had dropped when James grabbed me was vibrating wildly across the marble floor of the entrance hall. I brought my knee up hard and fast, trying to make contact with his groin. He anticipated me before I made contact and moved himself out of my trajectory. He was stronger than me. I was fucked. So seriously fucked. I was scared, but a larger part of me was angry. Angry at myself for letting this happen and angry at James for doing this to me.

My vision clouded with red as I struggled and lashed out against James as best I could.

"Keep moving little girl. I like the feisty ones the best. It always feels better when they struggle." He rasped in my ear.

I lost it. Whether it was the implication he had done this before or the fact I knew exactly what he was intending to do to me, I don't know. I could sense the red haze that clouded my vision contracting and expanding. I don't know what happened or where it came from, but before I could event think, James bounced off me and flew into the wall opposite me, sliding down it and hitting the ground with a resounding crack. Had I done that? He didn't move. He didn't appear to be breathing. The red faded from my vision and I felt it worm its way back into the recesses of my mind. I curled into a little ball on the cold marble floor and cried.

I don't know how long James and I lay on our opposite sides of the marble floor, both still, the only sounds my breathing and the occasional sob. I vaguely remembered the front door almost flying off its hinges as Edward, always the fastest in the family, flew into the room and scooped me up into his arms, holding me tightly against his chest and rocking me back and forth like I was a little girl again. Hot on his tail were Dad and Jasper who both skidded to a halt when they saw James slumped, unmoving against the opposite wall. I remember Dad taking me from Edward and murmuring in my ear, but the words aren't clear, just loving little nothings to calm me down. I had stopped crying when Edward picked me up. Mom, Alice and my Grandparents were next on the scene. Mom scooped me up from Dad and flew me out of the room and upstairs, Alice hot on her tails. I was changed into a T Shirt of Edwards and my flannelette pj pants. The rocking motion continued and a piano started up playing my lullaby from the floor below, but no one spoke and I was grateful. I eventually fell asleep cradled in my Mother's arms with my face buried in her neck and my hands fisted in her long blonde hair.


	13. Chapter 13

_Sorry for yet another delay. It wasn't going how I'd hoped so I had to stick at it, but on the plus side, I'm posting two chapters at once!_

_Thanks so much for all the reads and reviews. I can't figure out how to reply to the reviews I get in my email, but I do appreciate each and every one. I have figured out how to reply to the PMs through the fanfic website though!_

_I hope you enjoy._

**Chapter Twelve**

Bella's POV

I didn't want Edward to leave the room, but I couldn't make my voice work. Instead I burrowed further into Mom's chest. I could hear Carlisle talking in the background, but I couldn't focus on the words. All I could focus on was that he was gone, and that I had done it. My family thought they were monsters for what they were. They were designed by their very nature to be cold blooded killers, but they fought against that nature. Regardless of what they thought, they were good to the core. Dad had slipped up when he found his singer. Uncle Jas had been raised differently and Edward had had his rebellious years, but that was different. I was human. Humans didn't go round killing people. The ones who did were monsters. I was a monster. I couldn't tell them what I'd done. They wouldn't want me once they knew it was my fault. It was all my fault. If I hadn't wanted so badly to make friends, I wouldn't have fallen in with James. And if I hadn't fallen in with James, he wouldn't have tried to see me last night, and he wouldn't be dead now. I choked back a sob and gripped Mom's shirt tighter. I didn't deserve my family, they had lived for decades as vampires doing good, I'd only managed fourteen years as a human before screwing it up. But what would I do without Mom and Dad. Without Edward?

I must have stayed like that for quite some time. _It's my fault. I killed him. I'm a monster. They'll leave you like your birth parents did. Murderer. Freak._ The mantra repeated itself in my head. To her credit, my Mom never left my side, never made me release my death grip on her shirt. Edward had come back after his walk with Alice and sat stoically on the floor at the foot of the bed. If he and Mom spoke, I never heard it.

The others came and went in cycles. Carlisle would talk to me, try to get me to answer questions or at least talk back to him. Jasper would monitor my mood and tell me I had nothing to feel guilty for. I let him assess my moods to reassure the others, but I refused to take on any of the emotions he tried to push on me. Dad would spend all night with Mom and me. His giant arms wrapped around both of us, just holding us, loving us as only he could. Esme bought food, mainly liquids which they could attempt to force feed me. I wasn't hungry. I didn't want food. She tried anyway. Alice came in and sat talking to Mom and me like everything was normal. I was sure her and Mom were talking about me at a level I couldn't hear. I was too tired to care. She would paint my nails and brush my hair and help Mom take me to the bathroom and wash me.

Eventually Carlisle convened the whole family in my room.

"Isabella" he began "We can't help you unless you talk to us. You also need to eat. If you don't start eating, we're going to have put you on an intravenous drip. I'm worried about you my darling. We're all worried about you. If you can't talk to us, then you have to let Edward in. We want to help you. We love you."

They were worried about me and it killed me. No pun intended. I didn't deserve to have them worried about me. Didn't deserve their love. It was time to show them exactly what I had done and face the consequences of my actions. With that thought, I let my shield down and Edward in.

Edward's POV

I pushed the visions Alice had shown me to the back of my mind. Now was not the time to dwell on them, now was time to help Bella. Carlisle was getting worried, hell, we all were. It had been ten days and Bella was still almost unresponsive, aside from the occasional shudder and her grip in Rose's hair tightening. She wasn't eating, talking or even really moving. We'd tried everything to get through to her, but half the time I don't think she even heard us when we talked.

She seemed to register when the whole family crowded into her room though. In a move so subtle that a human wouldn't have picked up on it, Bella's hand loosened slightly in Rose's hair and her body turned ever so slightly towards me, but she remained silent, her face still buried in the crook of Rose's neck.

Carlisle began to talk, a corner of my mind registered what he was saying, but I was focused on Bella's reactions. She seemed to be hearing what he was saying, even as she began trembling and tried to get closer to Rose which was physically impossible.

I looked at Rose, taking in her appearance. Her eyes were black and frantic, the shadows under them dark purple. Her clothes were rumpled, she hadn't changed since we came back and found Bella, she hadn't let go of her either. If vampires could look tired, that was how Rose looked. Regardless of blood ties, of the fact that Rose was technically a different species to Bella, she was her Mother. She didn't know how to help her daughter and it was eating her up from the inside.

Carlisle had been talking about Bella's condition for days. Throwing around phrases like catatonia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well as the names of several medications. It was his way of coping, to analyse. Rosalie, who could hear the conversations from the room above, would growl under her breath when Carlisle mentioned medicating her daughter. I could tell from the thoughts of the others that they tended to agree with Carlisle. I wasn't sure what I thought. But before we could treat her we needed to know what had happened and what was going through her head.

I looked back to Bella. I could tell some of what Carlisle was saying was actually getting through. If I knew Bella though it was the impact this was having on the family that was getting through to her, not what she needed to do for herself. As Carlisle started talking about intravenous drips, her head turned and her haunted eyes met mine. She looked straight at me as her shield dropped and her thoughts hit me.

_It's my fault. I killed him. I'm a monster. They'll leave you like your birth parents did. Murderer. Freak. It's my fault. I killed him. I'm a monster. They'll leave you like your birth parents did. Murderer. Freak. It's my fault. I killed him. I'm a monster. They'll leave you like your birth parents did. Murderer. Freak. _

Before anyone in the room knew what was happening I had Bella clutched to my chest. Her legs wrapped around me as a knelt to the ground, cradling her head into the crook of my neck as one hand stroked her hair and the other her back. She started sobbing then, really sobbing, and I could hear Carlisle's relief at the fact she was emoting. The sobbing did little to calm the rest of the family though.

"You're not a monster Bella, we will never leave you, never. I love you, we love you." I murmured into her ear, rocking us both back and forth. I saw Rose's panicked looking face as she wondered how her baby could ever think she would leave, but Carlisle held out a hand to stop her coming to us.

Too low for Bella to hear, I repeated the words repeating themselves like a mantra in Bella's head and the images that came along with them.

"I can see his face up close to hers, there's a red haze pushing at her vision. She's scared, she knows what he plans to do to her. He says something to her about 'liking the feisty ones'. The red takes over and almost becomes solid as it pushes out and away from her body, I see him flying away from her, he hits the wall opposite with his head before he hits the floor. He's not moving." This was what had happened from Bella's view point.

"The red is her shield?" Caslisle asked. We were keeping our voices to low for her to hear.

"I've never seen her shield in her thoughts before. She doesn't usually see it, just feels it." I replied.

"This is a physical shield though. Not the normal mental one. I thought this may happen when she was turned, but I never expected it to manifest while she was still human. It fits with my theories on what had happened though." Carlisle responded.

"She's thinking about us leaving her." I continued. "She's remembering back to when she found out we were vampires."

She had been six when we gave her a name for what we were. She had never really been around many humans until she started school. We had never hidden from her what we were, and instinctively she knew not to tell other humans what we could do, but she had bluntly asked us after school one day what we were and why she wasn't like that too.

"She remembers me telling her last year about my rebellious phase, how I think I am a monster. She feels she is worse because she is human and still killed someone. She doesn't think she deserves our love anymore. She thinks she's let us down, both by pushing us away for James in the first place and for killing him when we fight what we are everyday and manage not to kill."

"Bella." Carlisle said gently but firmly. "What you did was in self defence. Alice saw what he was going to do to you. You protected yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing. None of us judge you for it. It does not make you a monster. Any person, human or vampire, would use anything they had at their disposal to protect themselves when threatened. That's all you did. You protected yourself."

"She's thinking she's a freak. She doesn't understand how she did it. She didn't want to kill him, she just wanted him to leave her alone. She's scared because she couldn't control it. She wants to be normal"

"Bella you aren't a freak. You're special. Not just because of your gifts, but because you are you. We know you didn't mean to kill him, he was in the wrong though Isabella. Not you. If he hadn't attacked you he would still be alive. We will teach you to control it, we will help you, we will not leave you. We love you, all of you."

"She doesn't believe you completely but she's starting to believe we won't leave her. It's giving her hope, just a little hope that this will all work out in the end."

"We need to know what you need to get past this my darling girl. You have to let us in, you have to let us help."

I felt Bella nod slightly against my shoulder, the others saw it too.

"I can't stay here." She whispered. " I- I can't stay in this house. I don't want to keep seeing him. I can't face people at school. I need to leave."

"Then leave we will." Stated Carlisle. "We have done it for almost all the others and we will do it for you."

We moved almost immediately. Emmett and Rose took Bella the next day. She still wasn't speaking much, wasn't eating much, was barely functioning, but we had to hope that maybe, maybe moving away would help in some small way.

The rest of us settled the affairs we had in New Hampshire, we followed the others to Alaska. For months nothing really changed. We didn't force Bella to go to school, instead she was home schooled by Esme with help from Jasper and I. Eventually she started going through the motions. She got up, she ate breakfast, she had classes with Esme in the mornings and time to relax in the afternoons. She was having daily sessions with Jasper, our most recent psychology grad. The rest of us would go for a quick run when they were talking, giving them their privacy. Each day we'd come home a little hopeful, thinking that maybe, just maybe there had been a breakthrough of some sort. That maybe we wouldn't have to see the sadness or guilt in her eyes, but everyday was the same, and it was still always there.

Jasper would attempt to reassure us, even though most of us had studied Psych at some point. It was in some ways good that she felt guilt, it would almost be bad if she felt no remorse for killing another human being. But Jas was trying to make her realize that it was in self defence. She still blamed herself for the attack happening in the first place too.

Emmett was probably taking it the worst, other than me. His thoughts were filled with anger and disappointment at not protecting his family when they needed it the most, and not protecting his baby girl. The grief was ever present in his thoughts each time he came home from an evening run to see the hollowness in her eyes. Even the meds didn't take that away. She hadn't shied away from physical contact with the males in her family, which Jasper took as a good sign, it meant she knew she could trust us. But she wasn't as free with anyone as she had once been. There was a slight wall. And Emmett was all about the physical contact, it was how he showed he cared, and while he still hugged her and Rose until Bella went to sleep every night, the fact she hadn't specifically sought him out for a Daddy hug or fallen asleep on his knee was upsetting him. He hated James for taking that away from them.

Alice was throwing her faith into her visions of a happy Bella a few years from now. I could read her immense guilt over what happened, over trusting her visions that this needed to happen. In some ways I could see that it had needed to happen, without it, we may never have discovered her physical shield, and as Alice articulated in her thoughts, Bella may never grow into the person she was in the visions, but it still killed us that she'd had to suffer at all.

Rose didn't need faith in any visions to tell her that Bella would be ok. Having been to the brink herself before her change, Rose simply had blind faith in the strength of her daughter and her ability to pull through this. She had her moments of despair, but she trusted in the fact that she had raised a strong young woman who would not let this ruin her, even if it took time. Rose would not let her daughter drown in this.

Carlisle and Esme had faith in Alice, and faith in Bella, and their combined optimism lead them to believe that as horrible as this was, it would work out, it had to work out.

As for me, I was more upset about it than even Emmett was as far as I could tell by thoughts. I was furious that I had let him get anywhere near her. Furious that I hadn't killed him on the spot the first time I heard his unsavoury thoughts about her. The protective feelings running through me when I thought of her were overwhelming. The fact that he had dared touch her made me want to kill him all over again. She was _my _Bella. The intensity of the thoughts had been overwhelming. I hadn't understood what I was feeling or why I was feeling it. I had no claim to her over Carlisle, Esme, Jasper or Alice, and especially not over Rose or Emmett, so why was I so much angrier than them?

Then Alice had shown me her vision of Bella and I, together as vampires, Bella was kissing me passionately, her hands fisted in my hair and a wedding band on her ring finger. We pulled apart and smiled giddily at each other, I leant forward and rested my forehead against hers as she smiled up at me. Bella had looked to be around eighteen in the vision, though who knew how long she had been a vampire at the time. We were standing in a small meadow, a stream running across the background. She was my mate. The feelings I had been having fell into place, this was how the others felt when they felt protective of their mate.

At the same time as the feelings fit into place, I was horrified by them. She was only fourteen after all. I told Alice as much and she reassured me. She was right, while my feelings toward Bella were more than platonic, I was not feeling anything untoward toward her. That made me feel slightly less like a pervert, but only marginally. Right now, it was just an insane need to protect her, to care for her, to look after her that I felt, but I wondered when that would change.

I also started to get upset about the fact that this meant she would most likely have to become a vampire. I had always held out some small hope, that perhaps she would choose to remain human and have a happy, normal life. It would potentially kill us all to watch her get old and die, but a part of my brain nagged at me that that was the normal progression in life, and that that way she could have a family. The knowledge that she was my mate and that she had some serious supernatural talents did not bode well for any kind normal human life though.

So I decided that as much as I could, I would give her the space to be normal while she could be, the opportunity to find love somewhere else if that was what she so desired, and some time to spend with the rest of the family, just being a teenager, because if Alice's vision was true, I would get her for eternity. A very tiny part of me was also afraid of what Emmett may do to me if he realized that Alice's visions being accurate, I was mated to his fourteen year old daughter and would likely be his son in law one day as well as his brother. Considering what had happened with the last guy, I felt it wouldn't go down too well.

One evening, about six months after we had moved, the rest of us came in from our evening run to find Bella and Jasper in the kitchen. When we entered, seemingly without thinking about it, Bella launched herself at Emmett like she had when she was a little girl and he had just came home from a hunt. Emmett's face almost split in two as he picked her up and swung her round.

She looked up at him bashfully. "I missed you Daddy." She said, and I had a feeling she wasn't talking about just for the past hour.

"I missed you too Bella Boo." He said rubbing his nose against hers.

"Hope" Jasper said under his breath, relief in his voice. "She feels hope."

It was a start.


	14. Chapter 14

Bella's POV

Some days it felt like I was drowning or caught in a rip being dragged out to sea. On others it felt like I was hovering above my body watching what was happening but not really experiencing it. Some days I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and sleep, forget everything. But sleep was not a reprieve for me; the nightmares came without fail every time I closed my eyes. When I craved it most, sleep would allude me and I would lie awake for hours caught up in my own web of self pity and despair. Carlisle had finally convinced Mom that medicating me would help, and it had to an extent. I was on a low dose antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication, but was keen to get to the stage where I wouldn't need to take it at all.

We had moved back to Alaska, but as far away from our cousins as we could get. I didn't want to face them, not yet. That and the fact that the family had decided it was best they didn't know of my physical shield and it was better for everyone to keep them in the dark. They already knew too much. One summons from the Volturi and me and my freakish abilities would be known by the powers that be. They would either collect me or kill me. No one was sure which.

Carlisle had a few theories on my abilities. One being that because I had been raised by vampires, not humans, and my shield had been discovered at a young age, that the training had merely exacerbated an ability that some humans may have naturally but never have a chance to discover. Another was that I was truly 'gifted' as they called it. Another was that the drug use of my parents had set something off, but there was no concrete evidence on any theory, and without other humans to use as guinea pigs, there wasn't likely to be. I hadn't felt or seen my physical shield since James, and I didn't much care to. I was slowly moving on with life, but still haunted by the memories of what I had done.

We lived quite remotely in Canada this time. Carlisle still worked at a hospital, but the rest of the family were taking a 'well deserved rest from high school' as they put it. I called it babysitting. Esme was home schooling me with the help of Jasper for History and English and Edward for Science and Math. I was nervous around large groups of people. Carlisle thought that it was extreme anger and fear which set off my shield, but until I was sure it wouldn't be triggered by something else, I was wary of school. I had weekly sessions with Jas, who was the most recently trained psychologist, during which the rest of the family cleared out to hunt.

In the first weeks after we moved to Canada, I had reverted to sleeping in Edward's bed again, but I had noticed Dad giving Edward death glares and decided it was time to grow up and learn to sleep on my own. I was almost fifteen and to be fair, it probably was a bit weird. It didn't work out so well at first, but I confessed to Jas in one of our sessions and he gave me some techniques. I know started counting backwards from 1000 in time with my breathing, it usually took me till the 200's to sleep, but it was better than nothing.

As part of my therapy, Jasper had decided I should try to reconnect with each member of my family. Our roles were changing as I got older, and though my parents were still always going to be my parents, it was hard to see Jasper and Alice as my Aunt and Uncle. And defining what Edward meant to me was near impossible, though I didn't feel comfortable discussing it with Jas yet. I wasn't sure what was happening but I had been even more drawn to Edward of late than when I was younger. He was like a magnet to me, wherever he was, my body unconsciously angled itself in his direction. Jasper thought it would be good for me to rediscover my place in the family, and so my homework from him after one of our sessions was to spend at least a little time each week alone with each member of my family. To get to know them as well as the role they had been playing in my life for the past fifteen years.

Later that same evening after the rest of the family had come back from their hunts, I went and found Carlisle in his study. Even though I had heard some of his stories before, I had him talk to me about his human memories, when he was first turned and his new born years. He truly was good to his core, from what I knew of being a new born, it was almost impossible to resist the blood lust, but he had managed somehow. Eventually he told me it was time for bed. There was still so much I wanted to know. Gramps was fascinating and he had literally lived through so much. He chuckled at my curiosity and told me he was more than happy to talk to me about his life anytime. I decided then and there that I hadn't spent enough time talking to him as I grew up, and that regardless of whether this was supposed to be homework, I would be back to talk to Carlisle at the same time next week.

The next day after Esme had switched her teacher hat back to her Nana hat, I followed her up to her office. She had pictures of a large white house on the edge of a forest pinned all over her wall and what I assumed to be the rooms within the giant house. She explained that it was our house in Forks, Washington which was where we would be moving next, and that she was redecorating it. She let me pick a room, describing where each was situated in the house. We spent hours together poring through paint and fabric swatches for what would be my room eventually. We settled on lilacs and whites and I chose a corner room with two full walls of window looking out over the forest and river beyond the house. Esme showed me pictures of how the others had chosen to decorate their rooms over the years and eventually pulled out old photos of the family for us. I sat snuggled into her side, her arm over my shoulders as we giggled at our family over the decades. I paused to look up and take in Esme, her golden eyes sparkling, her caramel hair framing her face. She looked down at me, sweeping some hair behind my ear and kissing my forehead.

"I love you so much sweetheart." She said.

"I love you too Nana." I replied snuggling further into her side. Something about Esme was so loving, so maternal. You couldn't not feel whole and loved with her.

Mom and I spent time in the garage, tinkering with my Corvette. Knowing I would be able to drive in a year was a big incentive to do my baby up the way I wanted her now. I apologized to Mom for pushing her away, for scaring her. She pulled me into the driver's seat of the Corvette and jumped into the passenger seat herself.

"I'd like to tell you about my change my lovely." She had my hand clasped in hers.

"I thought I knew about it already." I said. I had been told that she had been attacked, left for dead and changed by Carlisle.

"You know the basics." She looked at me. "But you're old enough now for the truth. And it might explain my protectiveness of you around James. He reminded me a lot of Royce, my fiancé. He was the one who attacked me."

She continued into her tale. She told me of Vera, of her parents, or her vanity. She told me the truth of the attack and what she had been though and explained how afraid she was when she thought the same thing would happen to me and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She told me how much trouble she had had adjusting to life as a vampire, how she wanted me to be sure it was what I wanted before I went through with it. She told me that before I came into her life, even Dad hadn't been enough to make her feel whole. She didn't want that for me, she didn't want me to regret like she had.

I awkwardly slithered across the centre console and into my Mother's lap. I threw my arms around her and cried for her the tears she couldn't cry.

"I love you Mommy. I'm sorry for what happened to you. I'm sorry for not listening to you about James."

"I love you too Bella Boo. Don't cry for me, it was a long time ago, and I have you now, my family is whole, I'm whole again because of you. You're a different person that I was though my sweet, you want different things. You know I believe it was fate that brought you to us. You are so gifted, so incredible, a human family would have hindered you. You were meant for more, you were meant for us." Mom cleared her throat.

"So you say you want hot pink leather for the interior?"

That was Mom's way of changing the conversation, she didn't get emotional often, didn't show her softer side, but as painful as it was, I was glad she had shared her story with me. It made me understand a bit better how protective she was of me around males, but more importantly it helped me to understand her. She would always be my Mother, regardless of the fact we looked closer in age to sisters, but it was nice to finally see a bit of Rosalie Hale too.

The following day as I was eating the blueberry pancakes Esme had made me for breakfast, Alice bounced into the room, keys to her yellow Porsche dangling from her finger tips.

"Yes, I'd love to go shopping with you today Bella!" she trilled.

"I haven't asked you yet." I was still half asleep and grumpy.

"But you were going to after breakfast, so I thought I'd strike preemptively. Your shopping clothes are laid out on your bed. We leave in half an hour."

I knew better than to argue with Alice. We hit the mall and Alice complained the whole time about the lack of designer stores to be found in our part of Alaska while simultaneously flinging things at me left right and centre.

"It's time to get you out of this rebellious phase of dressing my darling." She sighed. "From now on you are going to be all about class, and we are getting you in heels, no arguments. I'll teach you how to walk." She never stopped flicking through racks of clothing. "We need to do a trip to New York soon and hit up some decent shops. I've already ordered you some new things direct from the designers though. I can already see they'll look perfect on you."

Eventually we had to break to get lunch for the human.

"Ali?" I asked. "Am I happy in the future? Do you see me getting over this? Do you still see me becoming like you?"

She smiled fondly at me and ran her fingers through my hair. "Yes Bella, I see you being very happy in the future. Amazingly happy. You'll get past this, you just need to keep working on it, keep up your sessions with Jasper. I know you'll get there, I've seen it. And yes, I still see you becoming one of us, though you know you already are in so many ways. But I've seen it, and you know better than to bet against me."

"Mom was talking to me yesterday about why she regretted being like she is. She said until I came along she hadn't really felt whole, even with Dad. I want to change Alice, I do. But I'm scared. Not about the not having children part, but what if I don't find my mate like you guys did. There aren't many vegetarians in your world, and I couldn't date a carnivore." I was keeping it cryptic seeing as we were in a large mall surrounded by humans. "I know Edward is lonely, what if I end up lonely too?"

Alice smiled at me indulgently. "Neither you nor Edward has to worry about being lonely. I've seen it, you both end up finding your mate. Everything works out perfectly in the end, just how it should. There was a reason you ended up with us Belly, and you know I don't give out specifics unless it's life or death, but that reason will become clear."

I couldn't help the pang of jealousy that shot through me at the thought of Edward finding a mate. I could only selfishly hope that by the time he did, I would be vampire and happily mated.

I asked Alice about herself after that. I knew she didn't remember her human life, so I stuck to the vampire one. Was she happy as a vampire. Yes, because she had Jasper and our family and had never known any better. When did she get into fashion? Once she had found Jasper before they came to our family, they went to Paris and Alice met Coco Chanel and fell in love with her work and fashion in general. What was it like to know the future? Lots of pressure, sometimes too much, but overall a blessing in disguise. How did she know Jasper was the one? She knew from the second she woke up to this life, his face was the first she saw in her mind once she had awoken.

We talked and laughed and reminisced as we drove home. Alice, I decided, was definitely a cool big sister as opposed to an Aunt. I knew I could go to her about anything and she'd support me and keep my secrets. Even if it meant translating War and Peace into Maori to keep it from Edward. Maybe, just maybe, when I had my feelings for Edward sorted I could talk to her about them.

I knew Dad had been particularly hard on himself over what had happened with James. He was kind and intelligent, but tended to pride himself on his strength and ability to protect his family, and with James, he felt as though he had failed. With that in mind, it was him I planned some one on one time next

"Hey Bella Boo" dad said as I found him in the garage propping a car up for Mom.

"Hey Daddy, I was wondering whether we could spend some time hanging out? Just us?" checking Mom had taken the weight of the car, not that it would have hurt her if it fell on her, but the car might have been hurt, Dad picked me up and swung me round.

"I'd love to Boo Boo. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I was actually thinking we could hit up the fitness centre in town?"

His Eyebrows raised "The Fitness Centre? But you hate sport? And I can't use my full strength."

"I know, but I've got a few ideas up my sleeve I thought you could help me with."

It was true. In one of our sessions, Jasper had also suggested that exercise was something that could help me, I had come up with something I thought would be both good exercise and maybe help me if I ever somehow got into a James situation again. I wanted Dad to teach me Krav Maga – an Israeli Combat system which involved both defensive and offensive movements. I knew Dad had learnt in the 60's after my family had met some vamps who had been in the Israeli military before being turned. I thought that maybe if I had a physical way to defend myself, my shield wouldn't need to kick in to protect me. Plus it was a way of helping Dad to feel useful again.

Dad loved it. Even though he couldn't properly fight me, he was overjoyed to be teaching me something which could help me to protect myself. Though Dad was also a big fan of me learning to use my physical shield. Anything to protect me. That and he thought it was super cool I was human and had 'super powers' as he called them.

After we had been at it for about an hour and a half, Dad suggested we hop in the lap pool at the centre to relax a bit. He explained that when he had been human, he had actually been quite a good swimmer, albeit in the river out back of his family farm. After protesting my clumsiness, it had actually turned out that I was far more graceful in water than on land, and swimming laps was a great way to clear my head. Dad readily agreed to bring me back to the centre in a few days to teach me a few more moves and for me to swim again.

"Do you like being a vampire Dad?" I asked on the drive home.

He looked at me sideways. "Yea, I do. It's great, I have your Mother, I have you. I have my family. I'm super strong, good looking." He winked at me. "It may not be what I imagined my life to be like when I was a kid, but this is as good as the next thing, and if it means I get to spend eternity with the people I love, then I'm in."

That was Dad, never dwelled on the negatives. For him, it was simple. He got to spend an eternity with Mom and I and the rest of the family and that, for him, was worth it. Of my whole family, Dad was the one who I knew best, not because I was closer to him than Mom, but because for Dad it really was that simple and he never felt the need to hide anything.

"What about your slip ups Dad?" I asked quietly. Dad had come across his singer a few decades ago and drained her on the spot.

He sighed. "Bella Boo, I'm not going to lie to you. That sucked. Excuse the pun. I felt terrible afterwards, terrible. And that guilt still surfaces sometimes. But I can't let it rule me. I made a mistake, it was horrible, and I can't even say that it won't ever happen again. But I can tell you that I'm committed to this life we lead, and I will do everything in my power not to let it happen again. And I won't let you hurt anyone once you turn. I know your Mother has the stupid idea you'll be stronger than me in her head, but I'll hold you back kiddo."

"Thanks Dad. Love you."

"Love you too Bella Boo."

Jasper was next on my list. It was a bit awkward at first seeing as a) He knows I'm hanging out with him cos he told me to, b) he knows all my deepest darkest feelings due to being my shrink and c) Alice had recently started talking to me about their sex life as she had established we were sisters, not aunt/niece. Jas however, sensing my discomfort as only he could, sent me a wave of calm and we settled into a game of chess. He'd been teaching me since I was four so I was pretty good at it and could actually give him a run for his money. He always won though since his vamp brain could take in more than my measly human one. He reckoned I'd be able to kick his ass and Edward's as a vamp.

Once he'd bet me, I asked him about his newborn days. I knew that 'Uncle Jasper lived with bad vampires when he was new' from my kiddy days when that was all the information I was entrusted with. But this time Jasper opened up to me, admitting his part in culling newborns, his relationship with Maria and the humans he had feasted on without second thought. It was the only way he knew.

"I know I'm your psychologist Bells, and that this is a bit weird for you, but I'm still just me, the Jasper you grew up with. I'd send you to another shrink if you wouldn't be committed for some of the stuff you claim you can do." He smirked at me.

"I know Jas. And this has been cool, just hanging out. You make a pretty sweet big brother you know."

"Glad to be of service darlin'." Jasper drawled at me.

Spending some alone time with Edward was certainly not a big ask. I spent more alone time with Edward than with the other members of my family combined. Having noted that, I realized I should probably attempt to balance it out a little. But I did have eternity to worry about that.

I knew Edward's story, I'd heard all about his 'rebellious years' when I was having my own rebellious time with James. I think the point to him telling me was to show me that it was possible I would come to regret it later. At the time a story about a vampire defying his adoptive parents and killing a bunch of people didn't seem comparable to me sneaking off to see my boyfriend and blocking my psychic sister's visions. It still wasn't, but I know got the whole regret and pushing away those that cared about you part. Plus there was a part of me that was super glad someone other than me had killed off some scum like James.

I was having some major issues with my feelings for Edward. I was fifteen, so in short, a hormonal teenager, and I was most certainly having some not so platonic thoughts about the permanently seventeen year old dude who had helped raise me/was a brother to me without ever having been defined as a brother. In fact, the more I thought about it, I realized that most of my family, in fact all of my family other than my Father, had actively avoided ever labeling or treating Edward as my brother or uncle in the last few years. Even when Jasper was 'Uncle Jas'.

But I had no idea what to do with my feelings for him. And they had only been getting stronger as time went on. I was hesitant to dwell on them, not wanting to think about it, just wanting to bury my head in the sand and have them disappear. It started off small, like the way I would catch myself thinking about him when I was having one of my panic attacks and it would calm me, or the way when he touched me, my heart fluttered (which was awkward cos I knew he could hear it). I'd started dreaming about him too, it was always innocent, just us holding hands, him brushing hair out of my face, the simple things he did in everyday life, but somehow my hormone addled brain was turning them into more. Now I always unconsciously angled myself toward him when he was in the same room. My sitting close next to him wasn't an unusual occurrence by any means, but now I almost flat out refused to sit next to anyone else. I had heard Carlisle on the phone to Tanya the other day and had the sudden urge to punch her in the face, even if it did break my hand, because she always flirted with him.

I would go out of my way to brush past him, just to feel his touch, which was ridiculous because we'd been close since I was tiny and I'd fallen asleep in his arms until a couple of years ago. But I hadn't felt the fluttering back then.

My confusing feelings for him had made it worse when he started pulling away from me a little. It was small things like the fact that when I felt the need to sit right next to him, he would need to get up and do something. He would hug me, but we never snuggled anymore. I'd used to sit in his lap without it being awkward, and even though I hadn't tried that one since I got confused, I thought it was best not to try. I wondered if I had done something to him, and for a couple weeks I had even panicked that he had read my thoughts, but I had to willingly let down my shield and I hadn't done that with him in a while.

Every now and then I would catch Alice giving him the evil eye or looking at him with concern on her face. Her looks generally coincided with his attempts to blow me off. It made me worry about what she was seeing in his future. She had told me he ended up happy, that we both did, but I couldn't help the jealousy that coursed through my veins when I thought about him finding his mate. I couldn't explain it to myself just yet, but I didn't want Edward to be with anyone else. He was mine, only I hadn't quite figured out in what capacity I wanted him.


End file.
